Saturday, September 14, 2013

The end.

I look at my Blog List, and the most recent blog post was four weeks ago.

This is a good and bad thing in my mind.  Those people that I formed such strong bonds with over our shared struggles don't need their spaces anymore... any more than I need mine.  I miss their updates, but things are as they should be.  People are raising their families, or making peace with their lives as they are.  Change is good.

I think this is the end.

I have three beautiful children, and my journey is far from over, but this chapter - this infertility chapter - has ended for me.  I have the family I dreamed of.  They're growing and thriving.

I will NEVER stop talking about my journey.  I will share my story whenever I feel it is needed to help someone with their own struggle, but I think for now I am done in this space.

D is 6.  E is 3.  G is 9 months.  And they are my world. 

Thank you seems insufficient somehow...  But thank you to those who supported me, and cried with me, and celebrated with me.  You brought me through this journey.  You are the heroines of my fairytale.  I have my white picket fence and 2.5 (well maybe three...) kids.  And that is all I need.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

My Beloved Boston

I grew up an hour west of Boston.  I lived in Newton (the city where "Heartbreak Hill" is) for seven years after college and worked in Boston for several of those years.  I've watched every Boston Marathon since I was very young on tv, have been a spectator at several, and have walked on that sidewalk more times than I can count on my way to and from work, and on my lunch hour or after work. I'm still processing the tragedy, as we all are.  The one saving grace of the whole thing is that my kids are still too young to understand the gravity of what's going on.

Please pray for the families, the victims, and the city as the healing process begins.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Almost Four Months Already???

G will be FOUR months old on April 2nd.  It's amazing.  I don't feel like my pregnancy is that far in the past, and yet I feel like G has been with us for a long time.

He is a smiley, happy baby.  He's fitting into our little family perfectly.  D and E love him and love to get him to smile at them.  :)  Adjusting to life with three littles isn't as hard as I thought it might be.  My biggest challenge (again) is breastfeeding.  This time started much more smoothly than the last two.  He doesn't have reflux, which makes a HUGE difference, and I knew what I was doing too.  At the beginning he was getting enough milk, he was gaining weight, and I had hope that I might be able to nurse him without supplementing - and man, did I give it a good effort.  I didn't supplement for the first two months.  He was back to his birth weight at two weeks, but it was all downhill after that.  He went from 54th% at birth to 6th% at 2 months.  Talk about a major FAIL.  So I saw lactation consultants, and I took Fenugreek, and I rented the Symphony pump, and I started pumping at 1 a.m. and 5 a.m. plus during the day, and I nursed even more than I had been, and I still couldn't make it work.  At this point I'm producing way more milk than I ever did for D and E, but not enough, so I'm supplementing maybe 1/3 of G's milk with formula (nursing and then supplementing with a bottle after each feed).  It's been tough on me, but I'm trying to remind myself (again) that any milk he gets from me is better than nothing.

I'm enjoying G's babyhood even more than D or E's.  I feel like I know what I'm doing.  He's a super sweet boy with a big dimple on his left cheek.  I find myself staring at him sometimes...  He started laughing right around 3 months old, and sometimes when he laughs, I think I might burst with love.  <3 p="">
On a side note, I'm so thrilled for all the women who are pregnant in my blog circle.  I have been keeping up with your updates, and I apologize for not commenting as much as I should.  Some days I'm just glad I remember to put on pants before I bring D to the bus stop in the morning...

Thursday, February 28, 2013

The birth story

I was pretty uncomfortable by the end there - ready to have my VERY swollen legs back to normal.  It was bad enough so that when I walked up the stairs at night the backs of my knees hurt from the tightness as I bent them.

I was scheduled for an induction on Tuesday, December 4th if I didn't go into labor before that.  I had a non-stress test that Saturday December 1st in the morning.  I had lost at least part of my mucous plug the night before so I had hopes that something might be happening.  The NST was routine and I went home to wait it out.

Sometime after noon on the 1st, I began to have some contractions.  They weren't too painful, and not too close together, but they kept coming all afternoon.  I still had things to do, so I spent the afternoon doing normal stuff, like mopping the kitchen floor (lots of contractions during that!) and other things that needed to get done.

By around 7 pm my contractions were getting stronger, more painful, and more organized.  T made dinner and I lay on the sofa timing my contractions with  (I finally got a chance to use it!)  They were pretty consistently between 3 and 5 minutes apart, but I've been in labor before, and they didn't feel strong enough to be dangerous.  T kept asking me how close together they were, but I was afraid to tell him because I thought he was going to freak out.  He was worried that we were going to have the baby on the highway during our 7 minute drive to the hospital, but I was worried about going too soon and being sent home.

A little before 10 pm, I called my friend H, who was our "on-call" person for Saturday night.  I told her I wasn't sure, but that I thought I should probably go to the hospital, so she came to stay with the kids overnight.  After she arrived, we were on our way to the hospital around 10:30 pm.  It was kind of weird to go to the door at L&D and say "I think I'm in labor" over the intercom, after having been there so many times for NSTs!

When the nurse checked my cervix when I arrived, I was at 4 cm but the baby's head was still high and my water was in tact.  I labored in the bed for an hour or two, falling in and out of sleep.  When I was next checked, I was still only about 5 cm dilated so the doctor and I agreed that I would get an epidural at about 2:30 and would start on a small dose of pitocin at 3 am to increase the strength of the contractions.  The epidural was a sh**show.  The guy couldn't find the right space for the tube, and had to try four times (four different sticks in the spine) to get it in.  However, once it was in, it made it all worth it.  Sweet relief!  (For any first time moms, don't be freaked out by this.  It was the only time of the three kids that I had any problem with the epidural.)

Once the epidural and pitocin were placed, T and I both slept for a while, until about 6 am. Around 6:30 I began to get a little more uncomfortable even with the epidural in place.  About five minutes before 7, my water broke on its own, and I called the nurse.  My cervix was 9 cm at that time and the baby's head had finally dropped into the birth canal and engaged for delivery.

The on call doctor was at a neighboring hospital delivering another baby at the time, so she was paged.  By the time she arrived, I was ready to push.  For a little added excitement, another mom had just arrived fully dilated so there was some question about who would be delivered first.  When the nurse asked me about my previous deliveries and I told her that E was delivered after three minutes of pushing it was determined that I would deliver first!

You may want to skip this part if you're not into the gory details...

With my first push, the baby's head crowned and they told me to stop pushing.  They then said, "you can push with the next contraction" but I was in so much pain that I said, "Can I just push NOW???"  With that, he was born, shooting out into the world, in a literal TIDAL wave of amniotic fluid.  According to my husband, neither the two gallon bucket at the end of the bed, nor all of the towels around were any match for the amount of fluid that was there, and the doctor actually had to "catch" the baby because he came out so fast! He was born at 7:37 am.

He cried almost before he was out, which was wonderful, and he was placed on my chest.  There had been meconium in the fluid, so he was quickly taken to be checked by the NICU doctor.  He was taken to the special care nursery for a couple of hours because his blood sugar was low and his Oxygen saturation was a little low as well.  I was sad that I wasn't able to nurse him right away, but luckily it didn't cause any significant nursing issues.

While I was in the hospital he slept mostly on me/in my lap, which began a long saga of sleeping with him on me because he wouldn't sleep any other way.  Thankfully, we've made it over that hump and he is now sleeping in his bassinet and has been for a couple of weeks, since he was about 2 1/2 months old.

I'm going to share his name here with you since you've been on this journey with me, but I will be deleting it for anonymity after a little while, so please don't write his name specifically in the comments.

Baby G was born at 7:37 am on December 2, 2012 weighing 8lbs. 6 oz. and 21 1/2 inches in length.  We are in love.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

He's here!

Hi all, this going to be a quickie, and I'll be back with more details later.

I went into labor on my own (Yay!) on Saturday the 1st and delivered on Sunday morning 12-2-12.  He's beautiful and perfect (as all babies are) and we're in love.  :)

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Lies... They're all lies.

When people tell you that "it's your third, it will come more quickly."  "You'll be early."  "My first two were late, but the third one was two weeks early." 

Don't believe them.  They're liars.  (I've been convinced all along that I wouldn't be early, but I was hoping the liars were right.)

40 plus 4

And no induction for me this week because his head is still too high.

NST on Saturday.  Doctor's office on Monday.  Induction Tuesday at 40 plus NINE.  (just a reminder that D was induced at 40+1 and E was induced at 40+5.)

On the bright side,

1. My placenta is still young and healthy and I have "plenty" of amniotic fluid.

2. I'm still getting stuff done on my "before the baby is born" to-do list.

3. Maybe I'll go into labor on my own.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

40 weeks

Happy due date to me.

And still pregnant.  Haha.

NST scheduled for tomorrow and my doctor is back from vacation on Tuesday.  I'm definitely envisioning another induction this week.  I've had two already so why not continue the tradition, right?

One good thing about not going early is that I've gotten tons done in the past couple of weeks, so I feel much more prepared now than I did a couple of weeks ago. (That basically means I've had time to clean my house, catch up on laundry, buy and wrap some final Christmas presents, etc.  It doesn't mean I'm any more prepared for the baby!  lol)

So that's where I am - just hanging out waiting to pop.  It's eviction day, baby.  Get with the program!