Friday, March 20, 2009

How effed up is this?

The doctor's office called and confirmed that I'm not pregnant, which I already assumed. That's not the fvcked up part.

When I got the call, there was the slightest bit of RELIEF because I thought to myself that it meant that at least for four more weeks or so, I don't have to worry about having a miscarriage.

What a jaded world... is this infertility world that we live in...

5 comments:

gallerygirl said...

::big hugs:: that is exactly why when people would say to me "you'll get pregnant again" I would get angry. pregnant doesn't fix it, it just puts you in the immediate fear of having another m/c. i am trying to stay positive about this one, but i totally understand your relief. i felt that way last cycle and could calmly enjoy myself for a few weeks. GL to you next time and i'm sorry you are having such a range of emotions...

Wifezzilla said...

Holy Moley. That's exactly what I thought to myself last month. "well, at least i won't have to deal with a miscarriage."

the funny thing about it - when i had my miscarriage, i thought to myself that i wish i had never been pregnant that month. getting a negative test was better than a miscarriage any day.

i also wish it because i want that back - the innocence of what other women have when they get pregnant. that pure sense of joy (even though there's always some worry).

Yaya said...

Wow. Very profound and so true. :(

I'm seeing an infertility counselor right now and that's what we're trying to work through. In my image in my mind I get pregnant, see the heartbeat, and then that's it, I have a miscarriage. I can't even allow myself to imagine having successful pregnancy.

Fertiles have it so easy.....sigh....

Amy said...

So true. So painfully, glaringly true.

Azaera said...

I'm do sorry that it has to feel like this... *hugs*