Loving it (mostly)

These first two plus weeks have flown by. We are totally in love with E. Even though we know they're not "real" smiles, we love it when she gives those little gas bubble smiles, because it gives us a sneak preview of what her real smiles will look like. :)

The good stuff: So far, E is a pretty champion sleeper. We're praying that she keeps it up. She only wakes up once or twice per night, and *usually* goes back to sleep after eating. She makes up for it on the occasional night when she wakes up to eat and decides that it's a good time to stay awake for 2 1/2 hours or so. Luckily, there are more "good sleep" nights than bad. So far, she's been a pretty laid back baby. I guess she may pick up on my signals, since I'm much more relaxed this time around too than I was with D. Speaking of D, he loves his sister. He makes a point of kissing her before he goes to bed, and whenever he talks about our family now, he includes her. For example, he'll say, "Mommy and Daddy and D and E are sitting on the couch together." He's really very sweet with her.

Another "good" thing is that so far, I'm not feeling any post partum depression symptoms like I experienced with D. Again, the fact that my life is so much less stressful now than it was when D was born, plus the fact that I'm getting some sleep at night could be major contributors to keeping the PPD at bay. Long may it wave...

My husband is completely taken with this baby. He said the other day, "I just can't help calling her 'sweetheart' and 'darlin.' It just comes out!" Adorable.

The rough stuff: I do not love nursing. Truth be told, I don't even like nursing. Not even a little. It effing HURTS. I don't feel like I have any more of a special bond with E because of nursing than I did with D. I've seen a lactation consultant several times. She has watched E's latch, and tells me that E is a "muncher" rather than a "sucker" so she basically bites my nipple a few times until there is enough milk in her mouth, and then swallows. In case you're wondering, this does not feel good. We've talked about how much milk I get when I pump, and it's very clear that I'm not producing as much as E needs. Thus, I'm nursing, pumping, and supplementing with formula. I've decided that I can only do as much as I can do. Any breast milk she gets is better than no breast milk, and I'll continue to nurse her at least a couple of times a day (in addition to pumping) so that I leave the door open in case my supply increases drastically or I decide that I want to give it a more enthusiastic try once I'm feeling more like myself. I know that it's a supply and demand thing, so if I wanted to spend my life on the couch nursing or pumping every hour, I could probably increase my supply, but honestly, with a three year old around, that's just not an option. I'll be starting fenugreek this weekend to see if that will help.

And by the way, did any of you hear about what Giselle (Model/rocket scientist) said about nursing recently? That it should be International LAW for the first six months of a baby's life. For real. Giselle, I'm so happy for you that you had an easy time nursing your only child. Now if you could just keep your opinions and judgments away from my boobs, and maybe think about the fact that it's not that easy for everyone, that would be awesome. Thanks.

Also in the category of rough stuff, D is giving us a run for our money. My sweet little boy is suddenly a champion whiner, and the epitome of a drama king. Every little injury elicits fake dramatic crying sessions, and 15-20 subsequent minutes of making up things to whine about. On the plus side, he's still napping most days, so I guess I should count my blessings about that! I think about 75% of the new attitude is just being 3, but the other 25% is probably related to the baby. It's hard not to feel guilty when you can tell that he's feeling like second fiddle when I'm paying attention to E. I know that it will pass, but I'm hoping it passes sooner than later!