Just in case you were wondering...

Although it's not exciting, I decided to post today with a symptom update for two reasons. One, so I'll have a record of what symptoms I had, and when, and Two so that anyone else who reads this looking for "symptoms and when other people experienced them" can hopefully get some answers.

Here's the rundown:

I'm 5 weeks, 2 days today. I've had sore boobs (especially nipples) the whole time (I love this symptom and hope it stays because it calms me.) I have had some nasty heartburn - mostly at night - and indigestion/fullness throughout the day, even when I haven't eaten much. I've had some diarrhea for the last week, off and on. (Sorry ladies, we're brutally honest here, aren't we?) I haven't had any headaches, and I don't feel like I've been overly tired during the day, although I feel like I fall asleep on the couch more easily at night these days. The streak of blood that I had the other day has not reappeared (and honestly, a normal pregnant woman who is not psycho-analyzing her tp probably wouldn't have noticed it.)

By the way, this is not pregnancy related, but I am ALWAYS cold in the winter. I think I need to start a Mr. Rogers routine and keep a cardigan in my coat closet to wear whenever I'm not wearing a coat. (And for the record, I'm wearing a coat now. In my house.)

Feeling better

So, I've had no spotting at all this weekend. Not a touch of blood except for that minuscule streak on the toilet paper yesterday morning. I'm definitely feeling better and trying to remind myself that natural miscarriage is NOT my body's usual m.o.

The blood did make me think of the hematoma that I had the last time I was pregnant. The blood could be a sign that I have developed one this time too. Hopefully that's not the case. I guess we'll find out soon enough.

I have my first ultrasound coming up a week from Monday. I'm not having any bloodwork drawn prior to that. My new doctor (who I haven't met yet) doesn't usually do bloodwork for RPL (recurrent pregnancy loss), as a matter of course, and generally just has people come in for a 6 week u/s. If I had gotten a late positive on an HPT or had any reason to worry that my numbers weren't rising as they should be, I would have insisted, but I really wasn't too worried about that aspect of it and I just prefer to enjoy my two weeks of pregnancy without the stress of waiting all day for beta results.

I thought I was over this freak out business

I thought I had a good handle on my emotions this time (at least relative to the last time.) I've been feeling pretty calm and optimistic since I got my positive test. I've actually NOT been freaking out and running to the bathroom to check my underwear every time I feel that "not so dry feeling" in the nether-regions (because anyone who's been on Prog.esterone suppositories can tell you that it's a fact of life.)

I've had a few days when I've felt almost crampy, but more gassy and bloaty. I consult Dr. Google every. single. time. (As if the answer will change.) Yes, crampy gassy bloaty can be miscarriage, but it can also be totally normal beginning of pregnancy stuff. I've had myself fairly convinced that as long as there's no blood, there's still a baby growing in there.

So of course, this morning when I wiped, there was the teeniest, tiniest streak of red blood. I had a guest here (who is not "in the know") so I couldn't go check my pad every two minutes without looking really odd, so I quietly freaked out for the next half hour or so, making small talk.

I haven't had anything at all since then, but it scared the crap out of me, and it really made me think about this pregnancy. I have often thought to myself when people talk about "giving up" after having a number of miscarriages that I don't think I could do that. I used to think I would do it over and over until it worked, but now I'm not so sure. The fear that this pregnancy might end in a miscarriage has really made me wonder how many more pregnancies I have in me...

Karma **UPDATE**

I did something today that I have literally NEVER in my entire life done before.

I was on my way home from D's playgroup and saw a woman on the side of the highway standing next to her car waving her arms trying to flag down passing cars. I stopped. I have no idea what possessed me. Everything happened very fast, and I guess I thought I could call for help if she didn't have a cell phone. Who knew if there was a medical emergency or something.

It turned out that she and her sister (also standing by the car) had run out of gas, and only had like $1.75 between the two of them. Again, I have no idea what possessed me, but I gave one of the girls a ride to a gas station, gave her a couple of bucks to get more gas ($3.75 total... lol) and drove her back to the car.

I could have been robbed. I could have had my car stolen. Something could have happened to my two year old in the back seat. Who knows? But none of that happened. I went on with my day with nothing but the memory of that little interaction.

I think something told me to stop. I can't explain it...

I guess I figured I can use all the good karma I can get.

**UPDATE** We ordered Chinese food tonight for the first time in several months. My fortune said, "Courtesy pays."

Do you believe in signs?

Just hanging out...

Yup, I'm just hanging out poking my boobs and checking the tp.

Totally normal, right? C'mon, you know you all do it too.

Things are status quo for now, and that's just fine with me.

HPT review, among other things

I've been waiting to be happy. I got a veeeeeeery faint positive on Thursday, and it was after my 10 minutes were up. (It came up faintly positive sometime between about 7 and 20 minutes. I called it an encouraging evaporation line...) I didn't want to post about it because I was afraid of embarrassing myself and having to take it back.

Friday and Saturday, I got veeeeery faint positives on the same kind of test (ba.bywish.es.org cheapie), and they were both within my 10 minutes, and quicker to develop each time. But it was still reallllly faint. I wasn't ready to jump up and down until I saw that line getting darker. I was still thinking chemical pregnancy or early m/c.

Two days ago I had lower back pain all night, and yesterday my intestines were doing some funky things (gas, not-quite-thebigD, but close). Those can both be signs of early pregnancy OR miscarriage.

Today I got a positive after about 3 minutes, still pretty faint, but definitely there.

I was tired of the ambiguity and wanted a real-smack-you-in-the-face positive before I was ready to celebrate.

So I brought out the Big Guns.

E.
P.
T.

As the moisture spread across the window, there was already a vertical line. That sucker is BLUE.



I'm still nervous, but I'm ready to be optimistic. The timing was ideal (O on day 14) for a really strong, really cushy lining, and a great start for a little egg.

Hang in there this time baby. Hang on.


*************
HPT review: As far as I'm concerned, the Bab.ywis.hes.org tests are good for early results. They have a sensitivity to 20. However, if you want to get a real strong, obvious result, the brand names still seem to rule.

Same thing, different month

I've been MIA from blog land because that's how I apparently deal with the stress of the 2ww. I was doing really well with emotions and trying not to build up my expectations too much, but I test in a few days, and I'm really nervous about how I'll do if I'm not pregnant.

My husband and I haven't even talked Cl.omid or "next step" since the beginning of the month. My body worked like a freaking rock star this month. LH surge on day 13, negative OPK strip by day 15. That's what I'm TALKING about. This is the first month since my last miscarriage where I feel like we have a really good shot.

I know that even in a perfect month there's not a great probability of getting pregnant, but I'm trying to think really positively. I don't feel any "symptoms" yet, besides slightly sore boobs, but I'm on Prog.esterone, so even if I did have symptoms, they might be phantom symptoms from that.

I'm excited and nervous, and afraid of being really sad if I don't see two lines on that test.