What's going on

Quite simply, a post about what's going on.

First, I want to thank Christa for the beautiful angel wings. We haven't set up our tree yet, but they will have a prominent place when we do.

On the baby front, I really have nothing interesting to report. I have continued to be nauseous on a daily basis, for most of the day. While that totally sucks, it keeps my hope alive that this baby might really make it. My boobs are still super tender and heavy, and I'm tired all the time. I'm also craving salt (when I can stand to eat anything). Those seem to be "my" symptoms.

I have another appointment for an ultrasound next week, and although I haven't had any anxiety type of attacks recently (with the raised heart rate, etc.), I'm still having a hard time convincing myself that everything will be fine at that appointment. I'm finding it hard to imagine that I might make it past 9 weeks, 5 days this time. (Unfortunately, my u/s is at 9w4d, and then my next one will be my 12 week nuchal fold scan.) Do we tell our parents after next week's u/s? Do we wait until Christmas? (I will be 11 weeks on Christmas Day). By then, it will be a couple of weeks since the u/s and something could have happened to the baby in the interim. Right now, it doesn't feel like there will ever be a time when we'll tell our news to people in the same carefree way that we did after we made it through the first trimester with D.

Little sucker is growing

I had another u/s today (the one that was actually scheduled as the follow-up to the first one.) Baby's hb is up to 162 (yay!) and it's measuring right on schedule at 7 weeks, 6 days. Believe it or not, I had an EXTERNAL ultrasound today! (This is my first since the one where I found out about my first m/c). The tech said that it was probably a little early, but there it was. It actually looked a little bigger than 7w6d, more like 8w2d, but she said that variation can be normal because the measurements aren't exact. Something that I find funny is that they have yet to take my weight, blood pressure, or make me pee in a cup. Is that just because most people don't have their first appointment until 8 weeks?

After the u/s, the doctor was like "well, everything looks good, so let's schedule you for the 12 week nuchal fold scan." *Panic ensues* That would be after Christmas, and while I feel like things are going well this time, I just can't bear the thought of waiting four weeks for another ultrasound. I had two of my three miscarriages in that window.

I asked if there was any way I could have another u/s sooner, and the doctor (who I still love) said, "sure, let's schedule one for two weeks." That will still be before the 9 week, 5 day mark when I lost the first one, (my latest loss) but at least there should (hopefully) be an inkling by that time if anything doesn't look right. As of right now, the measurements are great. The embryo and the sac are measuring the same, and right on target (really a little ahead.) The heart rate is right where we want it to be.

I am feeling very, very blessed right now.

Wine glass watcher paranoia

First, a quick thank you to everyone for all the support over the past few weeks. I'm still a little bit of a basketcase, but I haven't had anymore abdominal pain, so I'm feeling much more restful. I'm still nauseous and tired, and have super sore boobs. All good signs of a growing baby.

I'm at a point in the pregnancy where I'm experiencing some major pregnancy paranoia. For instance, my Mom came over today and we got subs. I got a veggie sub to avoid deli meat. She probably thought nothing of it, but I felt the need to tell her that I don't like Subw.ay's turkey as much as D'an.gelo's (which is actually true). This past weekend, we had dinner with my brother's family and my cousin. I played up the idea of being reeeeeeeally tempted to have a margarita, but said that I had a headache so I thought I better not. Every time I'm put in that type of situation, I feel like I need to over-emphasize why I'm not drinking or doing such-and-such. (This morning, I was SO nauseous while my Mom was here, so I didn't have coffee. Then I got really tired and had to tell her it was because of no coffee, which was only partially true!) Mom did tell me today that I look like I've lost weight (haha!) so maybe she hasn't caught on.

T and I haven't even talked about when we might tell our parents and siblings about this pregnancy, assuming that it lasts. I've gone through some changes of heart on the subject. After the first m/c, I didn't tell my parents I was pregnant again until the baby had already died. That kind of sucked, so I decided I would tell them sooner the third time so that at least I would have someone to be happy with, for however long it lasted. That kind of sucked too because it meant having another person worrying about a pregnancy that might not last. (That one was a pretty rocky pregnancy from the start.) This time, I haven't really put a label on when or who or what, with regard to telling, but I just know that I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think too far ahead.

I will say that right now, after Monday's good heartbeat, I'm feeling fairly calm. If the progesterone was the issue, I think we could actually have a baby in July. If the luteal ph.ase defect was the issue, I think we could actually have a baby in July. If something else was the issue, then who knows. But the one thing I know right now is that I'm pregnant right at this moment, and I am very, very grateful for that.

Unexpected visit to the OB

I went in this morning for an impromptu u/s and quick meeting with a nurse because I was having some abdominal pain Saturday afternoon and Sunday on and off throughout the day. It didn't feel variable like cramping usually does, but it was pretty uncomfortable and completely freaked me out. (I made a lot of panty-liner-check trips to the bathroom yesterday and the day before.) Dr. Google says that cramping and abdominal pain (without bleeding) can be normal during pregnancy, but I'd prefer none, thankyouverymuch. It was just a a dull pain on both sides. Not unbearable, just uncomfortable. I don't remember this from any of my pregnancies that ended in miscarriage, but I also can't remember if it happened when I was pregnant with D. The nurse told me that sometimes if you've had a pregnancy before, your body "knows what to do" and you get round ligament pains earlier than in first pregnancies.

I'm still so tired, and the nausea is fairly constant, although it doesn't seem quite as bad as last week. Oh, and I have a yeast infection (awesome.) I would have to say that it's one of the most uncomfortable things about this pregnancy. The doctor doesn't want me to treat it until after 12 weeks, (and with the progesterone suppositories, treating probably wouldn't do any good) so for now I'll have to just suffer through.

So anyway, the u/s... Baby is fine for now. It's measuring exactly on schedule at 7 w, 3 d. (That's 3 days ahead of what my lmp says it should be.) Heart rate today was 145 today (up from 117 last week), so that's encouraging. The nurse said to keep my appointment for later this week, so I get to (hopefully) see the baby again, and another nice strong heartbeat.

Symptom update

Just a quick symptom update for posterity:

All day sickness is an every day occurrence, but thankfully I'm just nauseous, I don't actually get sick. The smell of coffee (and certain other things) makes me sick, but if I don't have a cup (half decaf, which is what I always drink) I turn into a zombie by 10 am. I've found that the smell is the worst, but drinking the actual coffee is still okay. Same with some other foods. The smells make me nauseous, but when I'm actually eating them, they taste okay or even good.

Boobs are still super tender. Tired all the time.

Because of all this nausea, I've lost 3 pounds in the past couple of weeks. I know you shouldn't lose weight when you're pregnant, but I lost 5 pounds in the first trimester with D because of the all day sickness. Anything about this pregnancy that reminds me of the that pregnancy makes me really happy.

I'm still nervous every day. Today, I had some discomfort in my abdominal region, (which was not cramping) but anything that could "almost be cramping" sends me to places where I don't want my mind to go. I have to keep reminding myself that my bad track record does NOT mean that this pregnancy will turn out badly. That's the hardest part.

Quick update

We've passed our first hurdle!

I love, love, love the new doctor so far, so I'm SO excited about that.

I am exactly 6 weeks today, per my lmp (last menstrual period).

The embryo (just one) is measuring 6 weeks, 1 day, and the sac is measuring right on target at 6 weeks 1 day as well. The size of the yolk was good. (If it's too big, that's a bad thing.) There are no hematomas (YAY).

The heartbeat is only 117, which makes me nervous, but I'm willing to be still cautiously optimistic. The doctor said that anything above 110 has only a 1-2% chance of miscarriage (in a normal person, of course.) He said that he's not worried about it. The hb can be lower in the beginning of pregnancy and significantly rise within a couple of weeks.

I have another ultrasound next week (YAY again!) and we'll be hoping for the heartbeat to be up to 140-150 bpm.

Don't want to be a fool

I'm so worried about posting about all my "symptoms" only to be told on Monday that there's nothin' doin' in there. Is it just me? I don't want to talk about how wonderful the symptoms are and then feel like an idiot later. I don't want to embarrass myself.

I just read back in my blog to see if I had written about symptoms with my last two pregnancies. Really, from what I wrote, it sounds like I didn't have a lot of symptoms at all. (Particularly, the pregnancy that only made it to 6 weeks produced almost no symptoms.)

I know I remember being very, very tired during one of my pregnancies, and having a lot of headaches. That must have been my first miscarriage because it's not in my blog. I remember how angry I was that I still felt like crap when I found out the baby had died almost two weeks earlier.

In the last couple of days I've been having some familiar "all-day sickness" that I remember having through the 4th month when I was pregnant with D. Luckily, I don't vomit, but I feel queasy for most of the day some days. I've also had slight headaches, and my boobs are still really sore.

I'm cautiously optimistic (and I didn't really feel that way last time) about my appointment on Monday. I almost want to whisper it when I say... this pregnancy feels like my pregnancy with D...