Spa la Cell Fone

Not too much happening here...

It's been hot and humid, and this is the first day of Oh.My.God.Gorgeous weather. It's not humid and it's in the low 70's. Heaven.

I had a spa day with some of my girlfriends this past weekend, and while I was getting my manicure, there was a girl sitting in the waiting area (right next to the manicure tables) talking on her cell phone. For like 20 minutes. Really. In a spa.

Anyway, the conversation was with her mother, and she was talking about her newborn. Then she said that she "already knows what we're going to name the next one." I guess her mom must have said something like, "you're not planning to have another right away, right?" to which she replied, "Oh no. Three years. Two or three years."

Now, this conversation bothered me on multiple levels. The foremost reason is that it's not appropriate to have a 20 minute conversation on your cell phone in a spa, and even if it were, this is a very personal conversation, and one not appropriate for a public place.

The second reason that it was annoying to me was because hearing other people talking about babies in public is starting to bother me. Just a little bit... But I hate that. I don't want to be someone who's bothered by those kind of conversations. In the past, they didn't really phase me. Even after my first or second miscarriage they didn't phase me, but now, the notion that this girl thought she could "plan" when she was going to have her second baby seemed ludicrous to me. I know that's the reality for a lot of people, but I guess I'm getting really jaded.

I feel like I'm starting to turn into someone I don't recognize and don't want to be. And it scares me.

I have a terrible confession

Remember yesterday's post? See, I told you it wouldn't last...

Not that I don't love all of the lovely ladies who read my blog who have babies or are pregnant. I really do. Especially because I have a two year old, I know what that's like, and I enjoy reading about babies growing in and out of the womb. Sometimes.

And I don't mind hearing about how hard it is to have an infant, because it IS. People should be able to complain about it a little without feeling guilty about the people who would kill to be in their shoes.

But lately I've been trying to find some new blogs to read where people are still in the trenches. I feel like I need at least an equal share of fertiles and infertiles. I'm sure you all remember... When you're not pregnant, people who "have been there in the past" just aren't quite as comforting as those who are there now.

I'm quickly approaching the anniversary of the date last year when I found out that I had miscarried the first time. At that time, I never imagined that I would still be waiting for my turn a year later. (I guess no one really starts ttc thinking that it will take that long.)

I'm back in elementary school and I'm the last person picked for kickball in gym class.

I'm left behind. The odd man out. Singled out for who knows what reason.

A sentence. (about my son)

My baby.

The one who wasn't really talking at 20 months. The one who did Ear.ly Interve.ntion because he was behind in his expressive (spoken) language score. The one who got ear tubes at 20 months because he had constantly had fluid in his ears for months. The one who said his first real word three days after the ear tubes went in and hasn't looked back since.

My baby said his first real, spontaneous sentence today. "I like strawberries."

And suddenly everything that I've been going through over the last few weeks doesn't seem as important. I know this feeling won't last forever, but for tonight, things are pretty dang good.

Not sure

I'm nervous.

We have no new answers.

We have no chrom.osomal test results.

We have no new "plan" besides, "try again and hopefully you won't miscarry."

I'm not sure if I want to try this cycle (before we get the results of the Chrom.osome tests).

And it's creeping up on me very fast.

Hmmm.

Positive

I wish.

No, I don't mean a positive test. I mean a positive (for the most part) meeting with the therapist. We didn't really get into more than the tip of the iceberg about a lot of things that I want to eventually talk about, but she seemed to get it.

The one thing that I'm not really excited about (and I'm probably the exception rather than the rule) was that she suggested that I might want to think about asking my doctor for a prescription for Zo.loft. She said that it would help with the anxiety. I may need that at some point, (like when/if I get pregnant) but for now, I really just want to talk.

I'm not sure if I feel happy that she thinks I'm messed up enough to need an anti-depressant (meaning that I'm really not crazy, and someone else thinks that I'm sadder than a normal person should be) or if I'm a little put off by the fact that she's almost trying to throw drugs at me to even me out and make her job easier.

So, anyone have any experience with Zo.loft or other anti-depressants? Any thoughts? (You can send me a private e-mail at wheresmywhitepicketfence@hotmail.com if you'd rather not talk about it in the comments.)

So Glad

If you're feeling like all I've been doing lately is whining, you're right. I've had a really sh*tty last week and a half.

I'm very, very glad that I have my first meeting with the therapist coming up. I'm feeling really down, and completely defeated today.

Dr. G's office called the lab this morning to tell them which test to run, and the lab is STILL working on it because they said that there are consent forms that go along with this type of test. (This is the karyotype test to check my chromosomes, so it's the really important one.)

The lab (at my regular practice) then told me that it was going to a problem because I'm no longer a patient of Dr. N. "Excuse me?" Well since I asked to have my records transferred and got a referral to Dr. G, they assumed that I was changing practices. (Mind you, my primary care is still in the same building, and part of the same practice.)

Just kill me now.

It's now three hours later and I'm still waiting for a call back to find out if this has been resolved and whether I can go back to have my freaking blood drawn.

Six o'clock can't come soon enough. Hope the therapist has riot gear.

Maybe I'll have just one more glass

After my afternoon/evening, I decided to have one more cocktail to kick off my alcohol-free baby making time.

After my morning (see below), here's my afternoon:

Step 1. Call Dr. G's office to confirm that I can go to any lab to get my bloodwork drawn.

Step 2. Call insurance company to make sure that my out-of-state bloodwork prescription (from Dr. G) will not cause problems and will not be rejected for payment for any reason.

Step 3. Go online to check when BigNameDiagnostics lab closes.

Step 4. Pack D into car to get to BigNameDiagnostics lab 30 minutes before closing.

Step 5. Strike out at BigNameDiagnostics lab because they don't know which test Dr. G was referring to on a few of the things on the prescription, and Dr. G's office is already closed.

Step 6. Go home. Feed D dinner. Go online to check what time the lab at Dr. N's office (much further away than BigNameDiagnotics lab) closes. 8 PM.

Step 7. Call lab and confirm that they know what all of the tests are and that I won't go there for nothing. Yes. No problem.

Step 8. Load D back into the car. Drive through rush hour traffic. Get to the lab and wait while two clinicians confer about the tests needed.

Step 9. Agree to having all of the tests "except for this one" done because they don't know which one the doctor meant.

Step 10. Drive home, put D to bed, pour cocktail.

Step 11. Plan when I will be able to go BACK to get another blood draw.