Another one

So, another person in my "real life" announced that she was pregnant the other day. 8 weeks. With her third.

Now, I'm being totally honest when I say that I'm okay with it (I really am) but it got me thinking again about how people think that miscarriage can't happen to them. I mean, I was sort of there before my first miscarriage. I never took pregnancy for granted the first time around, (and we certainly didn't announce to the world until the second trimester) but I went through it figuring that things were fine unless I was told otherwise.

Announcing when she's eight weeks to acquaintances? Her neighbor? I dunno. It just seems so early. I mean, I could have announced at (what I thought was) eight weeks the last three times. Perhaps not a good idea.

I've been thinking about going back to therapy. I went for just a few sessions last year (before any of my miscarriages), and I wouldn't go back to the same person, but I think I might need someone to talk to right now. I've been feeling pretty anxious lately. The other day, D woke up really early and I left him in his crib for a little while and he eventually fell back asleep. He still wasn't awake by 8:30 and I honestly ended up having to go in and wake him up because I was worried that he might have strangled himself with his blanket. I mean... really people. He's two. If he starts cutting off his own air supply, odds are he'll be able to adjust his sleeping position with no problem.

But I've been thinking about that recently - especially with regard to T and D. I've been worrying (fleeting thoughts usually) that something is wrong with them/something has happened to them. I have this crazy irrational fear that they're going to be taken away from me. (I was starting to go on, but I'm going to just cut myself off on that one so that you people don't think I'm too crazy.)

There are other things I have anxiety about too. New situations. Driving to new places. Being late for things. Meeting new people. Feeling like I'm not feeling the "right way" about my losses or about the reasons for them.

Prior to my OB appointments, (like hours prior when I start thinking about it) my heart starts beating fast and I have to get myself to calm down. Maybe that's a little more understandable.

So here's what this all boils down to.

I guess the reason I'm thinking therapy might be a good idea is that I don't think I'm prepared for another pregnancy in my current mental state. Wait, that's not exactly right. I'm SO ready for another pregnancy. I guess what I mean is that I would like to be better equipped to deal with the stresses I'm up against this time around.

Bleh. I hope I get my period soon. We're not trying right away, but I'd like to know about when I can expect my period the NEXT time around so there's something else to look forward to.