Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Not all peaches and cream

The business end: Yesterday's appointment was great. The baby is doing great, and doesn't look like she has any intention of coming out any time soon. (Cervix is still over 3 cm long and closed.) My blood pressure was 120/70 (even though I had way too much salty food this weekend at D's birthday party!)

Okay, so now that that's out of the way, I have to take a moment to talk about my MIL. I usually don't because you just never know who might be reading, but... OY. She ADORES my hubby, and my son. Those things are very important to me. (And she's nice to me most of the time too, but gets VERY irritated/sulky/huffy when she doesn't get her way.) Most of the time she means well, but SHE NEEDS A HOBBY. She has way too much time to think about other people's lives and about what they should be doing/what they're doing wrong. She gets things into her head and can't let go of them. As just one example, she's been asking about where the baby will sleep practically since I announced my pregnancy. We have a 3 bedroom, and we're planning to eventually have D and the baby share a room so we can keep our guest room. This doesn't seem to be the answer she wants since she keeps asking the same question over and over thinking the answer might change.

She also has it in her mind that she wants to have some sort of party at her house (in our honor) after the baby is born. She was calling it a baby shower, but I told her I really don't want another baby shower. I already had one for D, and I don't want anyone to feel like they have to bring gifts. She backed off of the "shower" idea and said she would "make it clear in the invitation that gifts were not expected." This would be okay, but she wants to invite all of my family (extended included) as well as her own to "meet the baby." Ummmm... My family will already have met the baby... I'm not really sure why this is necessary. Why not just invite YOUR family? And in case you're thinking "what's the big deal? She's just excited, and wants to honor you." I KNOW. It makes me feel terrible that I am so ANTI party, but here's the thing. She is envisioning something in Mid August beginning with a brunch, then golfing for any of the guys who want to go (5 hours minimum) and then a BBQ in the afternoon. So we're talking about something in the realm of NINE hours. So I'm already stressed out about the idea of handling two kids, while trying to breastfeed one of them, having been unsuccessful at breastfeeding the first. The LAST thing that I want to do is spend NINE or more hours away from the comfort of my own house with a one month old. I was really hoping that she would drop it, (sometimes she does that) but it seems like she's really gung ho about this one. She asked me for about the third time to come up with a list of people I want to invite (including phone numbers and addresses) before things get more hectic.

I talked to my therapist about the whole situation, and she suggested that I tell her that I just couldn't think about it now, but my MIL is VERY sensitive, and I just don't want to cause waves before the baby is born. I'm hoping I can just ignore her e-mail and let it die for now. Blah.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad the appt went well :)

I somewhat understand about the MIL. Mine means well and has been a huge help, but loves to be involved in EVERYTHING. Maybe the "party" could be pushed back another month? I have a 16 month old and my 1 month old so I know how hectic it can be trying to watch 2 kids (especially while BF!)

Good luck!


Ibis said...

Oh my word... brunch & BBQ in one day is WAY too much! I would lose my marbles. Can you have your husband run interference on this one?

Em said...

I'm glad everything is going well with Baby!

My FIL is kinda the same way. Not so much with planning extravagant parties, but he has way too much time to himself and gets a little...overbearing at times.

Good luck dealing with your MIL. Could you (or your hubs) just tell her that you don't know how you and Baby will be feeling in mid-August and that maybe just a brunch would be best? I don't know. Just a suggestion.

Wendy said...

Glad the appt went well! I echo what Em said - I think your hubby should talk to your MIL and in the nicest way possible tell her to back off? It sounds like she means well and is as excited as you all are - but she doesn't get how much stress that will put on you - I say either delay it a month and/or keep it short at a brunch!

Carolyne said...

I got worn out just reading what your MIL has planned. I agree with Ibis, maybe DH can step in here?

Glad to hear all is well with the BP and that your little one is doing well.

Anonymous said...

That is a tough one! Sounds like my husband's family. They can't just get together for an hour or so, it always has to be some big ordeal. Is there a tactful way of telling her you appreciate her wanting to have this party and so forth, but you plan to breastfeed this baby and are concerned about being away from home for so long? If she could just tone it down to something more reasonable, like say, brunch OR BBQ for a couple hours. I see no need to have the guys out playing golf and all that business. Does she live far away? Maybe she just wants to get to spend a lot of time with you/T/D/new baby?
I say make your opinions known that you and baby can't handle an all day event. Then other than that, let me her do all the planning and so forth, try not to involve yourself in it because I think it will stress you out. My two cents. (Or $2 worth).
Also, eep! Can't believe how close you are! You are 38w5d which is when I went into labor with my son. :)

Dawn said...

Glad baby is doing well. Hopefully won't decide to stay in there for too much longer.

I'm sorry you have to deal with the situation with your MIL. I hope you are able to work something out. The last thing you need is to be stressing over this.

Karen said...

9 hours!?!? WTF? No new mom wants to spend 9 hours entertaining friends and family? Maybe if they were planning on setting up a bed somewhere so you could sleep while they babysat... But seriously, that's crazy!

Is there any way to remind her what it's like being a new mom with the struggling to get by on a few hours sleep and the general exhaustion? Or tell her that you're delighted they want to have a mini-family-reunion and that you and the baby will be happy to put in an appearance at the brunch but won't be staying for more than an hour?

Or can you maybe come up with some crazy thing the baby needs to have done just to distract her? Maybe you saw a wall sized hand done quilt used as a mural in a baby's room in a magazine and you need her to sew it for you? Because you are right... this woman NEEDS a hobby!

CeCe said...

Glad to hear all is going well with you and the babe. Oh, in-laws..

Happy thoughts to you and the baby!!

Azaera said...

Wow 9 hours that's insane. When Skyler was born I didn't even want a typically baby shower with him because he was so small and frail from being born so early and we were completely frazzled and I didn't want a ton of people oggling him and wanting to hold him. I just wanted to be left alone with my family to assimilate. So yeah I know how that goes. Pain in the butt. I hope you can figure out something that doesn't hurt her feelings too bad but doesn't compromise your family's wellbeing either.