Monday, September 20, 2010

Full Circle

I wrote my first blog entry on Wednesday, September 17, 2008. I had just had my first miscarriage. It seems like it was so much longer ago than that. I re-read that post, and it seems like those feelings and that sadness happened longer ago than just two years.

Life is fast these days. There's a lot going on in this house with a husband, a cat, a two-month old and a three year old. Let's just say that trying to get my s**t together in time to get D to preschool by 9 am is not easy. Before I leave, I get myself showered and dressed, get D fed and dressed, E fed and dressed, make coffee for myself and attempt to find time to shove some food into my system, and I pump twice. I realize I don't really have to be showered to drop him off, but so far that's my goal.

Preschool has had a rocky start. D didn't cry when I dropped him off the first day, but cried multiple times that day after I left. Then the next two days, he cried bloody murder when I dropped him off, but didn't cry after that. On the bright side, he did NOT have to be potty trained, so that's one battle I don't have to fight. I *think* he's starting to like it better, so hopefully drop-off won't continue to be a battle.

This life is not always easy, but it's amazingly rewarding to look at my family and know how much love there is in this house. I wish I could go back to the me of my very first blog post and tell her that the road would be rocky, but it would all turn out okay.

Thank you all for telling me not to sweat the small stuff so much. In the end, it doesn't matter how long I breastfeed (which I'm still trying to do because I guess I'm a masochist.) It doesn't matter that my house isn't "company ready" at all times. It doesn't matter if I yell at D more than I would like, because at the end of the day, he knows that he's safe here, and he knows that I love him.

Full circle. From devastating loss to overwhelming love. I am so lucky.


Em said...

Yes you are. Congratulations on making it full circle.

Stacie said...

I think you should rename your blog to "From devastating loss to overwhelming love."

What a great blog post. I can tell by this post that you're more relaxed. Wonderful to read :)

Anonymous said...

I was going to send you an email to see how it is going when I saw this post :)

Reading it brought tears to my eyes...severe male factor, failed fresh IVF cycle, frozen cycle resulting in my son with 1 frozen embryo left, another fresh cycle resulting in my 3 1/2 month old daughter and another frozen embryo.

I feel so damn lucky. Just really, really lucky. I hope all of us dealing with IF find our own way to come full circle.


Dawn said...

Isn't it amazing how much can change in what feels like such a short amount of time? You are a super mom too. I only have Addy and can barely get a shower in every day! And way to go sticking with BFing! It continues to be a daily struggle for me.

Carolyne said...

I never realised we started blogging at a similar time. I was a month behind you.

Such a positive post. It certainly seems that although there never seems enough time in a day to get things done, you are settled with your family and it's just wonderful to hear!
Lucky indeed. Take care.

Karen said...


Wendy said...

Lovely post - so at peace, so serene - congratulations on making it full circle!

Shannon said...

How sweet that you have come full circle.

Sept 17 is my loss date for my first little one (3 years) I can't believe it has been that long.

I hope D adusts to preschool a little better soon. Eventually it will be nice I bet, once he is adjusted and you can have some one on one time with E that way too.