Am I the only one who feels judged?
I'm nervous about the pregnancy. Really nervous. Every time I feel a pain or a twinge in my abdomen, although I don't immediately freak out about it, I wonder if there's a chance something might be wrong.
I bought the doppler so that I wouldn't have to call the doctor to ask about every little twinge or worse, wait the two weeks, four weeks, six weeks, or however long in between appointments to make sure things are okay.
Why is it that the doppler feels like a dirty little secret? Why do I find myself not wanting to tell the staff at the doctor's office that I have it? Why did I feel judged by my therapist* when I told her I bought it? When someone asks how often I use it, why do I feel like I should answer "every few days" rather than the real answer, which is "at least once every 36 hours."
What's so freaking wrong with it? I'm a mother who has had three miscarriages. Why is it so shocking that I would feel comforted by hearing this baby's heartbeat on a regular basis?
On another note, I sometimes feel like the staff (not the doctor, but some of the medical assistant type people) at my doctor's office could use some miscarriage sensitivity training. The fact that I'm not bawling my eyes out when I tell you that I've had three miscarriages doesn't mean that when you start asking me questions about them that you should sound like you're asking me if I want cream and sugar in my coffee. I know you see women who have had miscarriages on a daily basis, but we're all different. Please put away your cookie cutter and treat me like an individual.
*In my therapist's defense, I think she is concerned about the emotional impact that *not* finding the heartbeat might have on me. Luckily, I've been able to find it every time I've tried so far.
Mengatasi Aborsi Aman
1 year ago