Sunday, October 31, 2010

One quarter of a year

Hard to believe, but E turned three months old last week. As you can tell from my lack of posts, life is very busy.

Some things I don't want to forget about this time in her life:
The little coos that she makes when she's trying to "talk"
The first giggles that we've heard from her in the past few weeks
The way she looks adoringly at her brother when he's anywhere near her
The way she looks when she's sleeping
The little "squee, squee, squee" noise that keeps us awake when she's sucking on her hand in the middle of the night

Everything about having another baby is wonderful. I don't know if it's because we are more experienced now, or if it's just because she's a more laid-back baby, (which she most definitely is) but I feel like life is very normal right now. I remember when D was a baby that it took somewhere in the neighborhood of a YEAR for me to feel like life was normal again. The difference though, is that this time around, I was already used to caring for someone other than myself. I was already used to having to work my trips to the store around feedings and naps. I was already a mommy.

I finished breastfeeding about 2 weeks ago, and although it was a very emotional time, I'm doing fine now (though I still wish I could go back and do it all over.) In the end, if I'm able to get the Lasik surgery in December, it will have been the right decision, and I'll be able to look back on it without (much) regret.

In the past few weeks I've been thinking a lot about whether this is "it" for us in the child-bearing department. When E was a couple of weeks old, I was sure that we were done. I was exhausted, I was emotional, and I remember telling myself to stop and remember the feeling of that moment if I ever felt like I wanted another one.

But the thing is...

That emotion and exhaustion fades, and all I can see now is my beautiful daughter's face, and think to myself that I want this again. I want the feeling of complete and utter love that comes with all of the firsts; first smile, first giggle, first time on a tricycle, first day of preschool... No, I don't want it right now, but maybe someday.

What I've said to my husband (who thinks I'm crazy to think that we can afford a third!) is that I'm not SURE that I want another one, I'm just sure that I'm NOT sure I'm done. So I guess for now, that will have to be good enough.


Dawn said...

So happy to hear baby is doing well on the Zantac. It was amazing how fast it worked for Addy! She will be 4 months on the 10th & I just don't know where the time went. We have started talking about when we are going to start trying again. Seems crazy! If you'd have asked me only a few weeks ago I would've laughed at the idea!

Anonymous said...

I am so glad you are all doing well :)

Once again, your post hit home. With our 2 IVF babies (we have severe MF infertility) 15 months apart I was SURE and am still pretty sure we are done. But then when I see my 20 month old son talking and running around and my 5 month old daughter giggling and cooing I think of our 2 frozen embryos and think "maybe".......


Stacie said...

It's hart to believe that E is already 3 months old! I'm glad that you're adjusting to life with two. I can imagine how fulfilling it must be to have two beautiful babies to love!

Carolyne said...

Time sure flown! Glad to hear E is doing well.
In terms of finishing Breastfeeding, can I ask how you weaned yourself?

Sheri said...

It sounds like you've found your "groove" and are really enjoying motherhood. All the best!

CeCe said...

Getting caught up and enjoyed reading your happy post! :)