Saturday, December 13, 2008

Raw

It hasn't really set in I guess. Things are just a little raw right now. Maybe it's just that I never really let myself believe that this one was going to be okay.

In an instant, I went from being a person who had one healthy baby and one miscarriage to a person who has had two miscarriages and one healthy baby. I went from being a low-risk pregnancy to being referred to a fertility specialist for testing.

I feel so lucky and so, so thankful for my son, but I'm panicking. Is this it? Is that the bargain that God made with me? Maybe I just get one healthy baby. Who's to say that I'll ever have another?

3 comments:

Azaera said...

Hmm it's possible that your body wasn't ready for the next pregnancy so soon after the first. Different doctors seem to recommend different amounts of time before getting pregnant again after a miscarriage.. Not that that makes coping with the loss any easier. If you need to talk to someone feel free to send me an email. I wish there was something I could do. *hugs*

Yaya said...

Last night I finally cried over my most recent miscarriage. I think I was so numb to it-having miscarriages so close together made me detach, so I *think* I understand how you are feeling. And please don't discount your feelings because you have a child. You did lose two babies, YOUR babies, that is something to mourn.
(((Hugs)))
Thinking of you.

Yaya said...

Just remember to let the emotions flow as they come to you.