Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What's next?

We opted not to do chromosome testing on the embryo because it would be around $700 and not covered by insurance until the 3rd miscarriage unless "medically necessary." Plus, the doctor said the results are almost always inconclusive. We will have blood tests done, but again, they may not tell us much. As the doctor said, a lot of things they test for are automatically ruled out by the fact that I've already had a successful pregnancy.

So basically, waiting and then rolling the dice again is where we're at. It sucks.

I'm not particularly sensitive about things that people say like "it wasn't meant to be" or "there was something wrong with the baby" because I honestly (so far) believe that. It's definitely harder to keep that perspective the second time, but I'm still going with it... (especially considering the fact that my body didn't expel the embryo again, which gives me hope that my uterus isn't the problem.) However, I do agree with other bloggers who have written that people expect that you should be over it after a certain amount of time. That's just not the case. There will be two birthdays in 2009 that I will not be celebrating, and two people that should have been my children who will never see the world. You don't get over that.


Anonymous said...

(((Hugs))) for you and your babies.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you won't be getting any sure answers as to "why". I hope it is some small comfort to know the odds are very much in your favor to have another healthy baby based on the fact that you have had one problem free pregnancy.
But still I know that doesn't make it any less sad for the two you are missing. ((hugs))