Thank you to everyone who responded to my last post. A lot of people said that my friends are probably all happy for me, and believe me, I really do know that. However, I know that there's also probably some pain there, and I don't want to be the person to cause pain. Please believe me when I tell you that I'm not resentful of those people. I really just wish things were different for them. In general, I will continue to wait for them to ask about the baby, and only then will I talk about it.
After I posted that post, I told the women in D's playgroup about the pregnancy. They were all so excited, and I did end up telling them about my losses. It was a really great feeling, and I know that the more people I'm able to tell, the less lonely I will feel.
Later this week, I have my follow-up lev.el II ultras.ound. I'm mostly nervous, but I'm also excited to see the little person again. Praying that everything is okay, and that the baby was just too small and turned in the wrong direction for them to see the "structures" they needed to see the last time. I had a little bit of a tough weekend with worrying about "doppler." It's been moving around and kicking me sometimes, which helps, but yesterday when I was listening on the doppler, the heartrate dipped while I was listening, then shot right back up, and it had me worrying about cord accidents and other fun things. I listened again this morning, and everything sounds fine. The worry just never goes away.
I've been continuing to see my new therapist every three weeks or so, and she's helping me to feel like I'm making normal choices and having normal thoughts. The irony is that we haven't really been talking that much about my pregnancy over the past couple of sessions. We've been talking about a lot of other things that go much deeper, like my relationships, especially with my mom. I've seen two other people in my life, and this woman is head and shoulders above either of them in terms of being helpful. So happy to have her.
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1 year ago