Wish I were more of a b**ch

Before I begin this post, I have to ask you all to please NOT tell me to change doctors. This practice is the closest practice to me that delivers at the hospital where I want to deliver. While I'm not thrilled with their attentiveness, I do have the feeling that they know what they're doing. From now on, I just need to be more assertive with regard to my own care.

That being said...

When I walked into the fertility doc's (Dr. N.'s) office, he reviewed my HSG results and my bloodwork. The HSG was normal (which I knew) and the blood work was mostly normal except for an elevated anticardiolipin level. I knew that too, but for weeks I've been asking the nurse to tell me exactly what that means, and when she couldn't, (on any of the multiple occasions that I asked her) I finally gave up. (After all, Dr. Google reassured me that elevated anticardiolipin levels are often treated with baby aspirin, which I was on last cycle.) Nurse "nice but useless" was clearly not concerned enough about my test result to offer a follow-up appointment with the doctor.

Dr. N. started telling me about the anticardiolipin level and its implications (e.g. blood clotting issues.) Long story short: he's concerned. He's very concerned that this is a major factor in my inability to maintain a pregnancy. (Nurse "NBU" did not seem concerned at all, and had just told me to "call again next cycle" when I ovulate and "we'll try again".)

Dr. N. is concerned enough about this issue that he's referring me to yet another specialist: a high risk specialist, who will either be able to diagnose/treat the problem, or who will refer me to a hematologist (blood specialist) for further evaluation. Dr. N. wants the high risk person to decide if she thinks I am okay with just baby aspirin, or if I should move to something like Hepa.rin. Bad news is that the high risk person is only in their office once a month, and that's not until April 28th. Dr. N. doesn't want us to try again until I see the high risk doctor.

F**K. (Or, no f**k, depending on how you look at it.)

Guess we can throw that "fate" post out the window. Or maybe this is fate. Interesting.

When I walked out of the office I was kind of angry with them, and then I was annoyed with myself, and now I'm annoyed with them again. This WHOLE TIME I've been waiting, I could have had an appointment scheduled with this specialist. The blood draw was in January. F**king JANUARY. I've been asking Nurse "NBU" since JANUARY if the test results had implications.

ARRRRGH!

Okay, but now for the rest of the stuff:

I had a good appointment with the doctor. Asked him about weight and stress, and PCOS. He said that if I do have PCOS, it can't hurt to try to lose 5 or more pounds. Believe it or not, some studies that he's read have shown that losing even 5 or 10 pounds can improve the symptoms of PCOS. So hopefully that will be the kick in the ass that I need to lose some weight. (I wanted to lose some anyway, so hopefully this will be my motivation.)

I told him that the OPKs stressed me out, and he confirmed my question about stress making people ovulate late sometimes.

He also said the words that I really have been looking for from the beginning: "Let's GET you pregnant, and THEN treat you." That means no OPKs, and no progesterone until AFTER I get a positive test. (For now, anyway.)

So the new plan is to see the specialist, then see Dr. N again (I have an appointment already scheduled this time) and then try to get knocked up "the old fashioned way."

The moral of this story is that if I had been more of a bee-otch in the beginning, and insisted that I either talk with or meet with the Doctor about my test results, I probably would already have seen the specialist and would be trying this month. The big thing I've learned about this office is that I need to be my own advocate because they're too busy for hand holding.

Then again, fate works in strange ways, and maybe this was really the way it was supposed to happen after all.

Dark blue line

Oh yeah, baby... "The surge" finally decided to join us this morning. (And I can see now that there's no way to really mix up this line and the ones I had the other day. No comparison.)

So my new question is... If I'm ovulating like 4 days late, when can I test?? Anyone know if this just means my luteal phase will be shorter or if it means I wouldn't get a positive until later than I expect?

Gots me some follicles!

Okay, so this wasn't precisely how I was expecting things to go. I really don't want to mess up and start the progesterone and baby aspirin too late, so I'm concerned about when I ovulate. I took your advice and called the doctor yesterday (day 15) and said that the OPK wasn't positive yet. They confirmed the date of my LMP and confirmed that my schedule is usually around 28 days (it is) and said, "can you come in for an ultrasound?" Hells yeah, I can! (Nothing I like better than the ultrasound wand (a.k.a. dildo-cam). The fact that they put all that KY sh*t and the condom on it really is the cherry on top, isn't it?

So they checked my follicles and I have one that's 23mm, so the ultrasound tech said "you'll probably ovulate any minute." But I haven't yet. That means two things: 1. T is a walking around with a friggin' perma-grin on his face, because this is the most s.ex he's had in a long while and 2. I have to go back to Tar.get to buy more of those blasted OPKs. (Thanks again to everyone for your input about the OPKs since I really still don't know what I'm doing.)

So I'll just be here, peeing on more sticks, waiting for my test line to be DARKER than my control line. (Oh, and I've had to start taking the test first thing when I get up, which my doctor okayed, because drinking coffee, a diuretic, at 7:30 am and then waiting 4 hours to pee do NOT mix.)

One more thing to be unsure about

Okay, so the OPK thing... THEY SUCK. Mostly because I'm totally unsure about whether I had my surge. My schedule is slightly wacky, so I may ovulate tomorrow or Thursday, but I should have a positive OPK by now, right?? So HOW dark does the line get?? I know they're not like HPTs where "any positive is a positive" but here's the thing. I was getting a faint line, and then today NO line to speak of. So do you think I already had the surge? Because I know how much you all like pictures, I took some. (Of course, the Monday one is old, and I know you're not supposed to read them after like 10 minutes, so I guess there's no way to compare.)

Yaya is concerned that hubby and I might miss my ovulation by relying on the OPK and not doing the nasty enough. Well, I'll put your mind at ease by letting you all know that when mama's trying to make a baby, she does NOT miss her opportunity. Haha. Poor T is going to be all tuckered out by the end of the week. I really just need the OPK to tell me when to call the doctor so they can start me on Progesterone on the right day. So do I call the doctor? Should I wait until tomorrow to see what it looks like then??

On the rocks, with salt

I bought a big bottle of Margarita mix on Friday. I had two margaritas on Friday, one last night, and I'm probably going to have another one tonight. If I get lucky, I'm hoping they'll be my last margaritas for a while.

I had my HSG Friday. I was a little nervous because I was going alone (hubs was home taking care of D) plus I had heard from multiple people that it can cause some nasty cramps. I took my prescribed 600mg of Advil before the appointment, and honestly, compared to my D&Es and childbirth (which are the only other hoo-hoo related things I have to compare it to) it was a piece of cake. I was lucky enough to not really have cramping, and the only part that was uncomfortable was when they were pumping the dye in because it felt kind of like I was getting bloated. From the horror stories I read today about HSGs, I'm wondering if mine was a little less painful because of the fact that my uterus had already been stretched to the size of a 7 1/2 pound baby.

In case you haven't been reading along since this post, the HSG is a test where they pump dye into your uterus while they're watching your uterus on an x-ray. They're able to look for abnormalities in the shape of your uterus as well as any problems with your fallopian tubes. The good news from the land of HSG is that my uterus is a normal shape, there is no septum, and the tubes are both functioning. So apparently that is not my problem.

Next on the menu is some awesome ovulation tests (which have been negative since Friday) and the even more awesome progesterone - more on that later. I'm sure I'll have some kick-ass side effects to share with you.

All in all, I'm in a happy place right now. I feel like someone is finally keeping an eye on me (and by someone, I mean the doctors and nurses at the OB.) I'm hopeful that with the baby aspirin and the progesterone that I might actually be able to keep a baby alive once I'm lucky enough to build one again. And that, my friends, is certainly something to be happy about.

Thank you

Thanks to all those who gave advice about the Ovulation kits. I checked out all of the websites you recommended, and I'll keep them in case I need them next month (hope not.) In the end I decided to buy some at a store because I need them by Friday and I was a little worried that they might not arrive in time.

I got Clearb.lue Easy tests mostly because they happened to be the only "name brand" Ovulation tests that they had at Wallyworld. The kit came with a digital pregnancy test (bonus!) Of course, now that I'm in the "recurrent" category I'll be going in for a blood test to find out if I'm preggo, but I'm sure I won't be able to resist peeing on a stick anyway. I know it's totally crazy, but I'm almost looking forward to the OPKs because I'll be able to repeatedly pee on a stick for a purpose. (I'm generally a really conservative pee-er because I'm cheap and I don't want to waste the HPTs!!)

Starting the OPKs on Friday, but hopefully I'll have something more exciting to talk about before then!

I don't know how to pee on a stick.

Okay, so that's not entirely true, but it's a catchy title, isn't it?

Today I scheduled my HSG and asked a few questions about trying again. I asked about when I would need to start my progesterone. Apparently the gel that they prescribed sometimes has "coffee ground type discharge." Isn't this baby making stuff sexy? "C'mon baby, let't get it on. You want a cup of coffee first?" *wink, wink*

Anyway, I digress. She told me I need to start using OPK's so that I can start the Progesterone 3 days after I ovulate. I've never used them so I thought maybe you ladies could give some advice. Any preferences on which ones are the most accurate or easiest to use? I know some people have a hard time reading them. Any advice on what to look for to know if I'm really ovulating? Do I take them in the morning or at night? I know they have directions, but I'm sure that people have pointers. Lil' help here, ladies?