I've been thinking a lot lately about "the next time." I'm very sad about the second miscarriage of course, but I haven't been crying about it in the past couple of weeks. I have to say that the overwhelming emotion that I've felt in the last month since my miscarriage is relief that I don't have to be afraid right now. There's no pregnancy to nurture, and no cycle to count since I've been told to wait for a couple of months.
I got pregnant in July of last year, and had the normal nerves of a Mom who has never had trouble conceiving or had a loss. (Yes, believe it or not, even those women are nervous about their pregnancies!) Then when I lost that baby, I was nervous about when I would get pregnant again. And then when I got pregnant again in November, I was nervous about whether that pregnancy would stick. So, pretty much I was nervous every day from July until December. Six months.
So is it completely strange that I'm feeling this relief? Maybe.
When "the next time" comes, will I be ready for the constant nerves again? Will I be able to handle the very real fear that I might lose another one and still not know why? I guess all I can do is wait and see what happens. For now, I've just been trying to let the fear fly away. Oh, and I'll take that margarita on the rocks with salt, please.
Mengatasi Aborsi Aman
1 year ago