The list

Still chipping away at the list. FINALLY sent in my check and request for official copies of D's birth certificate. (We have the one that they gave us in the hospital, but that's it.) Yes, he will be THREE in July. I know. So that's done.

Paid off T's car this week. :) I'm super-duper into money management and not overspending/ living within our means. This step makes me so happy. When we got married, T had lots of debt, which I fixed within a couple of year's time. We now have only T's school loan from his Master's degree and our mortgage left. That's it. SO excited.

Called our cable/phone/internet company and told them that having my bill go up $75 in three years (without adding anything) wasn't going to work for me. Removed one tier of special channels (like Discovery Health which I LOVE for the blood and guts shows, along with some free movie channels) and our bill dropped by almost FORTY dollars! She said she moved us into a new "bundle" which gave us discounts on our other services. This call has been on my mental list for about a year and a half. I've been putting it off because I'll miss those channels, but only every once in a while. Procrastinate much?

Baby update:

Had an u/s yesterday and she's still vertex. Yay! My blood pressure was 112/80, which is still okay. In my pregnancy with D, 36 weeks was when my BP started to climb at the end, so I'm excited to make it through another appointment with no major rise. My ankles are a tiny bit swollen, but my pee-in-a-cup was still protein free, so we're good for now!

I can't complain too much about how I'm feeling now. I have a long torso, so I'm still pretty comfotable most of the time. HOWEVER. Sleep is getting much more difficult. I have to get up to pee around 2:30 every night, which is no big deal, but I'm having a lot of trouble falling back asleep after that. About 4 of the last 5 nights, I've been unable to fall back to sleep for like TWO HOURS after I get up. :( Then T wakes up for work 30-45 minutes after I fall asleep, and D wakes up to begin his (ummm... make that our) day a short while after that. That is no fun.

Nesting

Is it really nesting? Let me tell you, I've been on a rampage. I made a list of all of the crap that I have been meaning to do for the last, oh.... I don't know... two or three years, and I've been chipping away at it, slowly but surely. In addition to big projects, the list actually includes little cleaning projects that I know won't get done after the baby is born, stocking up on diapers when there are sales, washing and folding lots of hand-me-down baby girl clothes, as well as preparing and freezing food for easy meals after she's born. It's very gratifying, but at the same time I feel overwhelmed at the number of things still on the list vs. the number of weeks left in this pregnancy! (It's only about 3 1/2 for those who are keeping score. Eek!)

In addition to projects, (or maybe as a result of projects) I've been spending money like it's water. Now, if you know me, you'll know that I'm usually very frugal. I'm officially a coupon queen (something I was striving for about a year ago, as some of you may remember.) I know the spending won't make me feel good when I get our credit card bill (though we pay it off every month), but right now it somehow makes me feel more prepared for the baby.

When I was out with D today, though, I was thinking about how easy he is now. Strike that. Two is NEVER easy, but SO much easier than an infant. I am so far removed from infant that I am almost letting myself believe that maybe this time will be different. Maybe I'll feel more able to pack the kids up and go grocery shopping or to Targ.et. When D was a baby, those things seemed like huge ordeals. I guess a part of me is hoping that if I feel like my house is in order when the baby is born, then I'll have an easier time doing other things that make me feel like a human being (like getting out and about to get the good deals with my coupons!) I'm sure the reality will be rough, but for now, I'm gonna keep chipping at this list, and hope for the best.

EDIT: I just read this and realized that it kind of sounds like I'm more worried than excited about this baby. Trust me when I tell you that I'm MUCH more excited than worried. I just tend to use this forum to get out my fears, since the excitement is something that is socially acceptable in the real world, while the fears aren't as accepted.

35 1/2 weeks and thoughts on healing

Today was my weekly check-up and ultrasound. Everything still looks good, and my blood pressure is fine at 120/70. The ultrasound tech asked if the baby has been measuring small, because she was measuring around the 30th percentile today. She hasn't been, so that was a little worrisome, but the tech also said that for some reason, most of her people had been measuring small today, so we'll check her again in two weeks and make sure she's back on track.

Amniotic fluid is fine, heartbeat is in the 150s and she's practice breathing like crazy. She's been quite active, but I can tell that she's getting bigger because her movements are much more smooth rather than punchy (less room to move around.) According to the tech's measurements, she's about 5 lbs. 8 oz. now, which is only three ounces more than two weeks ago. (Of course, the weight is only an estimate.)

I asked them to look at the heart again because as you may remember, they weren't able to see everything all together at the Lev.el II u/s, the follow-up u/s, or the 32 week survey. The tech said today that everything looks perfect that she can see, so that's a relief.

Oh, I almost forgot... She's still vertex (head down)!!! And she doesn't seem to have moved position much since last week, so maybe she's done flipping. Maybe. :)

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I mentioned to T last night that this month marks two years since the beginning of my second pregnancy (my first miscarriage.) Two years. He was a little taken aback by that number because, you know, boys don't really ponder crap like that. On my way home from the doctor's office today, I teared up thinking about my three miscarriages. That show of emotion was just enough to remind me of the bond I have with most of you. We may go on to have babies after all of our troubles, and most of our family and friends may assume that that makes everything we went through to get there "ok," but there will always be a place in our hearts and minds where the pain and trauma is fresh, and the memory will not ever completely fade away.

"Breacha"

No, I don't know ofr sure that she's breech again. I'll find out tomorrow. BUT. That was my word verification on someone's blog when I posted a comment. That does not put me in a good mood. :( Yes, I know I'm crazy, but I do read into word verifications sometimes, and I had just thought to myself the other day that I hadn't noticed any that were meaningful lately.

And now, a whiny, petty rant. I was putting away some of my winter clothes into storage bins today, and I was pulling out some clothes to donate as well. I'm donating some skirts that I used to wear a few years ago. See, I used to like my legs. I used to feel good about myself in skirts that were above the knee (but still tasteful.) Ummm... that's until the varicose vein and spider vein fairies teamed up to wage an all-out war on my legs. :( I know that's one of the tricks that pregnancy and older age play on us, but COME ON. Then there's the fact that getting a tan is bad for you, and the only thing that really makes varicose and spider veins look a little better is covering them up with a tan! (I use those self-tanning moisturizers, which I love, but they don't cover the veins like a real tan does.) Maybe someday I'll be independently wealthy and I can get laser treatment and varicose vein surgery to get rid of them. A girl can dream, right? :)

And the gymnastics continue...

34 w 4 d and baby girl is back to head down position. I'm not going to waste my time celebrating this time, since she's been in a different position every week for the past three weeks. She is definitely a monkey. Last night I sat on the sofa and watched my belly move for a good three hours. It's amazing how fascinating that can be. I had a pretty good idea that she had flipped just from the types of kicks and movements I was feeling and where I was feeling them. I also think she had the hiccups last night for a while, which I love. :)

My blood pressure was 110/68 today!! I guess maybe I do have some control over it (damnit) and all of the left side sleeping, sodium controlling, and feet elevating have been helping. (I just say damnit because I don't like doing any of those things...)

Baby's biophysical profile is 8/8 again, so she's doing really well. I'm still feeling great, too.

Now on a completely different topic, I went to see my therapist a couple of weeks ago, and decided that I needed to start talking to her about the "after." (No, I haven't packed a hospital bag, and no, we don't have any definite names picked out, but I'm starting to really realize that 5 1/2 weeks isn't very long, and "after" is coming up very soon!)

I am so thrilled that we have a baby girl coming home in a little more than a month, but the truth is, I'm scared. I've raised a newborn. I know what it's like. I know that I don't cope well with sleep deprivation. I know that breastfeeding is very hard. I know that people who have had postpartum depression once are likely to have it again.

I was very glad to have a chance to talk these fears over with my therapist. Of course there's nothing she can really say to reassure me that everything will be fine. It will be hard. I will feel overwhelmed sometimes. However, it's nice to know that I've voiced these fears to someone who will ask me about them after the baby's born, and probe to make sure that things are being addressed if they need to be. For one thing, she said to bring up my postpartum depression fears with my doctor before I deliver, so that he will be aware of it, and if I need medication, he will be on top of it. (I'm not good at admitting defeat in the moment, so having someone who knows what to look for ahead of time will be helpful.)

38 days (or so) until I get to find out how everything pans out...

Breech

Little booger flipped around again. Now we get to hope (again) that she'll decide to flip one more time and then STAY there!! I seriously have no idea how I could miss feeling her turn, but I really didn't know she had turned.

My BP was 118/80, and my weight is still holding steady at a net gain of about 12-15 pounds, depending on whose scale you're looking at.

Baby's weight is around 5 lbs. 3 oz. and she has long legs, but a smallish head circumference. (That works for me!!)

The BPP (Biophysical profile) today was great. She scored 8/8, so she's doing great. My cervix is still closed, and I've been noticing some of the pains that I remember so well from my pregnancy with D. The familiar pains are the ones where I feel like she is either stomping on or poking my cervix. Very comfy, as you can imagine.

I'm feeling well, aside from having a little trouble getting comfortable to sleep. I tend to get tired in the afternoon, but still feel great most mornings.

I got a huge box of hand-me-down baby girl clothes from a friend, and I washed the newborn and 0-3 month ones so they're all ready to go... I can't believe how real this is getting.