Sunday, July 12, 2009

Back from vacation

Well, it was a good week, all in all. We had rain on Tuesday and Wednesday, but other than that the weather was nice. I was able to relax in the sun, go to the beach one afternoon with D and do some reading. D also got a chance to play with his younger cousin all week, which he really enjoyed. (They both did.)

One of the books I was reading is called "Miscarriage, Medicine, and Miracles." It's a very informative book written by an OBGYN in New York. I've been taking extensive notes throughout it and will be asking my doctor some questions about what I have and have not yet been tested for. I like the fact that the author uses medical terms but also gives the definition of these terms in boxes within the text. Very helpful, especially for flipping back to look something up again.

My bleeding has basically stopped. (I'm writing this mostly as a note for myself.) It's been a fairly uneventful follow-up to the D & E. No fevers, no clotting (yet) and no major cramps or pain. I would say this is the best that my body has handled a D & E so far. There's a possibility that I may still have some bleeding left to do, but if I remember correctly from the last two times, the clotting was about a week after the D & E, and I'm already 10 days past.

In other random news, I was struck by something that Wifey said in a post a few days ago. She just had her sixth miscarriage, and as she put it: "this time around, nobody gets it." That's just how I feel... When you have your first or second miscarriage, the people who know about it send you flowers and cards or at least call or e-mail. They check on you once or twice just to see how you're doing. Have another one? It's like they don't know what to do or say. The first or second time they can try to be comforting. They can say things like, "I bet this was just a fluke" or "I know it will happen for you soon." Not anymore. No one is optimistic anymore. They don't send flowers. They don't send cards. They don't really say anything. I'm not angry about these things, and I don't mean to sound angry. I'm not expecting cards and flowers by any means, but I feel like people might be going by my apparent lack of emotion (no, I'm not bawling in public) and assuming that I'm "okay this time." It's no big deal because it's the third. *sigh*

(**Just to clarify, I'm talking about people in my real life, not in blog land. You guys have been great.**)

In more "I've been gone for a week so I have a lot to say" news, I'm finally going to start looking into other doctors. I'm not making any guarantees that I'll switch, but I'm tired of not feeling 100% confident that they're paying enough attention to my chart.

Lastly, I know it's stupid to do this and I'll probably just end up disappointed again, but I'm ready to put all of my eggs in the Clomid basket (pun intended.) I'm giving my complete confidence to Clomid-the-wonder-drug next time around and hoping that it will do its job and tell my body to make its own Progesterone and ovulate in the middle of my cycle when it's supposed to, without making me a breakthrough in multiple births.


Karen said...

I'm glad your vacation went well and that you're at least starting to find some information to help you make progress. Hopefully you'll be able to use your knowledge and find a doctor (and nurses!) that you feel are giving you the care you deserve. I still have faith that you will have the family you long for.

I think people are just at a loss of what to say when women miscarry. It's so personal and we know that there's nothing we can say or do to make it any better. Plus we worry that if we say, "It will happen eventually," we'll be giving you false hope or sound as if we think that the miscarriage won't matter as long as you get a baby. And if we say, "Maybe you can adopt," it will sound as if we've given up hope or don't appreciate that you don't just want a child, but that you had a child that you're grieving the loss of. Everything seems to sound like advice about what to do next (which is your decision, not ours) or dismisses the loss of your child as something you'll just get over. Nothing sounds right and we worry that saying the wrong thing will make it even harder for someone we care about.

Sorry to sound like I'm up on a soap box. What I'm trying to say is that the fact that your friends and family don't haven't said anything doesn't necessarily mean they don't care.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you are lacking support in real life.

Carolyne said...

It's so confusing and disheartening when other folk don't attempt to communicate after a second MC nd so on.
I'm glad you fins comfort and support in Blog Land.
I'm also glad you had a good break and got to see some sun. The book you read sounds helpful.

I hope that if you do decide to swtich DR's that it turns out to be a good move.

Dawn said...

It seems we will also be hopping on the Clomid train this next cycle as well. Hopefully it will work for the both of us! I'm glad you had a good vacation and I'm sorry you are struggling with the support you deserve.

Dan & Hillary and little Russell said...

Since the birth of our son in Jan' 06, I m/c'd 7 times, mostly 'chemical' pregnancies. We're currently pregnant again and due in October. We used Clomid, Ovidrel, 200mgs Endometrin (GOLD!!), and Lovenox (for the first trimester). Please stop by and drop me a note if you'd like more info:-)

I'm so very sorry you've felt the pain of m/c and loss... sadly, it never gets easier...

Wifezzilla said...

Good for you, taking things into your own hands.

my sister in law has had several miscarriages. she has two teen daughters now, but several miscarriages afterwards. when everyone heard the news of the pregnancies, everyone was excited. but after the subsequent MCs, it was exactly how you said. everyone expressed their sorrow because it's a sad event, but it was more like "business as usual" because we knew she'd been through it before.

the thing is, unless you've been through it, i guess a person can't grasp what is going on inside your head. i was new to the family at the time of this happening to her, so i have limited memory. i don't think anyone realized it was not business as usual for her.

well, i don't know if this helps. it's just a story from my own experience, not intended as advice or anything.

Lorink said...

Just want you to know I am thinking of you. I hate that people don't know how to respond to miscarriages. I wish I could give you a big hug!