Sunday, July 26, 2009

Identity and anonymity

Something that I've struggled with the whole time that I've been writing this blog is the feeling of censoring my thoughts out of fear that I might be "discovered." I think it would be a lot more interesting if I wrote about all the little things that get to me that have nothing to do with IF. See, I have several friends and acquaintances who are also dealing with different IF issues. It's amazing to me how common it is. (And I'm not talking about single miscarriages here. I'm talking about multiple miscarriages or multiple years of trying.) I can think of four people just off the top of my head who are either dealing with or have dealt with IF (who I didn't meet through IF) that I'm close enough to so I could call them right now for a chat and they wouldn't think it was weird. So anyway, there's certainly potential for people to accidentally find me without my knowing.

About a week ago when I was surfing around in blog-land looking for more blogs to which I could relate, I accidentally stumbled upon the blog of someone I know quite well. It was one of those unlikely scenarios where I went through someone's blogroll to another blog, and then clicked through to her blog from THAT person's blogroll (I think.) I honestly wasn't even sure how exactly I got there. At any rate, I knew she was struggling with IF but didn't know she had a blog.

When I found it, I really wished I could go back and un-find it. I felt like it was an unintentional invasion of her privacy. I know she put it out there in blog land, but my blog is out there too, and I know I'd rather not have anyone I know reading it unless I have expressly given them the address and invited them to do so.

I felt really guilty, and I decided to e-mail her and let her know that I had found it and ask her if she minded if I kept up with her story. (She didn't know about my miscarriages, so I told her about them too, obviously.) Luckily, she wasn't completely freaked out (well, maybe a little at first :) ) and we ended up having an awesome e-mail exchange, and then an even more awesome lunch date a few days later. In the end, I'm so glad I found her blog because it opened up a dialogue with someone I know in my real life who is going through some of the same emotions as I am and who can relate. She invited me to keep up with her blog, and I invited her to do the same. Hopefully we'll be helpful to eachother as we continue on our journeys.

All that being said, finding her blog has reinforced even more the need to keep my innermost thoughts private unless they're thoughts that I'm okay with people I know finding. Can anyone else relate? It would be really fun to post pictures and talk about my family and stuff, but I feel like it's too much of a risk for me, you know?


Anonymous said...

I can totally relate. I wish my family and friends didn't know my blog address, there is SO much I really have the urge to write about, but I have to censor it because of them.

Azaera said...

I know what you mean, I have only shared my blog with one friend (aside from Chuck of course) and I like it that way, because sometimes I have to write about other things that upset me. And I don't want my family to read it.

wifey said...

I get that - the only people from my real life who know about my blog are my husband and my mom, both of whom know all of my deepest darkest secrets anyway.

Okay - another weird word verification thingy - I've been congratulating myself on all of the calories I burned today and lo and behold, my word is "abmaker".

LuckyOnce said...

See?? The word verification can be freakishly accurate!!

Wifezzilla said...

mine is completely anonymous also. but for the few interweb friends i have, no one i know knows i have it. that's why i keep 99% of my personal information vague. i hesitated to even post the puppy video, but i figured it was okay.

i don't want anyone to know unless they may have been through it because of the overwhelming pity they think they have to shower me with. because, you know, a person cannot talk about miscarriage and TTTC without feeling sorry for oneself, right? (that was sarcasm).

Wendy said...

I totally know what you mean. I haven't told anyone except for DH about my blog (and even then, I literally just told him I started a blog, but I have not shared the link to it -and I don't really plan to? is that weird?) I find comfort in knowing that I have my own secret outlet and not worry about anyone 'finding out' - of course DH knows all of my deepest secrets but I just want to keep this for myself for now.

Karen said...

Well, I started my blog so I wouldn't have to keep e-mailing pictures of my family to my extended family. Of course none of them bother reading it so I probably can say pretty much anything I want to. I don't usually. It's hard for me to say things that would hurt someone's feelings, even if that's exactly what I'm thinking. I should probably work on that.