He's here!

Hi all, this going to be a quickie, and I'll be back with more details later.

I went into labor on my own (Yay!) on Saturday the 1st and delivered on Sunday morning 12-2-12.  He's beautiful and perfect (as all babies are) and we're in love.  :)

Lies... They're all lies.

When people tell you that "it's your third, it will come more quickly."  "You'll be early."  "My first two were late, but the third one was two weeks early." 

Don't believe them.  They're liars.  (I've been convinced all along that I wouldn't be early, but I was hoping the liars were right.)

40 plus 4

And no induction for me this week because his head is still too high.

NST on Saturday.  Doctor's office on Monday.  Induction Tuesday at 40 plus NINE.  (just a reminder that D was induced at 40+1 and E was induced at 40+5.)

On the bright side,

1. My placenta is still young and healthy and I have "plenty" of amniotic fluid.

2. I'm still getting stuff done on my "before the baby is born" to-do list.

3. Maybe I'll go into labor on my own.

40 weeks

Happy due date to me.

And still pregnant.  Haha.

NST scheduled for tomorrow and my doctor is back from vacation on Tuesday.  I'm definitely envisioning another induction this week.  I've had two already so why not continue the tradition, right?

One good thing about not going early is that I've gotten tons done in the past couple of weeks, so I feel much more prepared now than I did a couple of weeks ago. (That basically means I've had time to clean my house, catch up on laundry, buy and wrap some final Christmas presents, etc.  It doesn't mean I'm any more prepared for the baby!  lol)

So that's where I am - just hanging out waiting to pop.  It's eviction day, baby.  Get with the program!

38 and 5

This time has flown by.

I'm nervous.  I'm not particularly nervous about the labor and delivery (though there is always the thought of stillbirth and complications at the back of my mind) but I'm nervous about the after.  The stark reality of THREE kiddos is looming very clearly in my future.  I'm sure it will be fine once we're in a routine, but I'm also sure that there will be more than one day when we'll miss the bus and end up driving to school because I can't get myself and all 3 kiddos acts together by 8:20.  C'est la vie, eh?

Baby boy is about 7lbs. 9oz. as of yesterday, head down, but my cervix is still looooooong and closed.  (I'm not too worried about the weight because I was told D was bigger than he ended up being too.  All those measurements are approximations.)  My weekly non-stress tests have been uneventful, in general.  My blood pressure has been running a little high here and there, but luckily there's been no talk of pre-eclampsia or bed rest. 

My doctor is on vacation until 11/27, and he seems to think I won't deliver before then since my other two were late.  I've got an appointment scheduled for that day, and according to him "we'll talk about an induction then."  I was induced with E five days after my due date, and I guess if I don't go by the 27th, the odds are good that I will probably be about the same with this guy.  (Just watch.  Because I'm saying all this, I'll end up going into labor like, TOMORROW.)  I guess I should spend some time looking for those bassinet sheets today...

I know I'll wish I'd updated more

I know that once the baby's born, I'll wish that I had posted more so I could look back and see when things were happening, but c'est la vie... Life gets in the way.

I'm very busy these days with two kiddos, NSTs once a week, OB appointments once a week, volunteering for a local mother's group, and volunteering a LOT of time with a local theater group.  Plus, I feel like keeping tabs on the paper going in and out of our house is a full time job.  Between the junk mail and political ads and the REAMS of paper that get sent home from Kindergarten (plus of course coupons and circulars!) the paper is overwhelming!!  I had no idea how many worksheets and art projects a 5 year old could pump out in a 6 hour day!

Baby is doing well.  He's been a little booger about staying in one spot (namely head DOWN) but he does currently have his head down and I'm hoping he'll stay that way.  Doc says that if I keep my bladder empty that will help, but since there are times of day when I feel like I have to pee 7 minutes after I pee, I'm thinking about building a bed in the bathroom.  My non-stress tests have been fairly uneventful, and the baby always gets great marks, but my blood pressure has run a little high on and off, so they're still keeping a close eye on it.  No protein or sugar in the urine so far, so fingers are crossed. 

I'm nervous about having three littles to deal with.  It's definitely going to be a learning curve.

35w 3d.  That is all.

NST time

Well, now things are getting very real ladies.  And very close.  At my OB appointment last Thursday (32 weeks) my blood pressure was just a little elevated (128/84 I think) so I was a little nervous because of the differences in this pregnancy when compared to the other two kiddos.  There's still no protein in my urine, so that's good, but my feet have still been swelling on a constant basis.  I've also had more heartburn this time than the other times. 

The doctor decided that I should go for a non-stress-test every week from now until the baby is born.  I went for my first one this past Sunday, and my blood pressure was 135/84 when the nurse first tested.  "George" was very cooperative and had all the correct heart rate accelerations and decelerations, but then he wouldn't STOP moving so she could get a baseline reading.  That just meant that I got to hang out for a little longer sipping water and watching tv.  This might not be so bad after all.  The other good news is that I may get to meet most of the nurses on the L&D floor before I deliver which will be great.  After the NST, the nurse took my BP again, and it had reduced to 128/80.  Still not 110/70 like it has been running, but not as bad.  I will admit that this occurrence has caused me to think twice about what the next few weeks are really going to look like.  Hoping they won't involve bed rest or any blood pressure complications.  I can't believe that my due date is now less than 7 weeks away.  Wish me luck!

Whirlwind

I realize it's been a loooong time.  Vacation came and went, and it was as relaxed as it can be when your day is pretty much the same routine as when you're home (except with a much nicer view.) 

Baby has been growing well and everything is progressing nicely.  For some reason T and I have taken to calling him George (which will NOT be his name) so if I ever call him George here, you'll understand.  My Glucose test was fine, he's content with lying transverse, and I'm not really worried yet about delivery and such.  I did find out today though, that it's very likely that my OB will not be delivering George because he's taking a lot of time off around Thanksgiving.  I don't honestly mind if he doesn't deliver the baby, (you can refer to E's birth story to see why) but I don't love the idea of not having a doctor closely monitoring me in the days leading up to my due date.  With both of my other pregnancies I had several non-stress tests in the days leading up to my due dates, and I want to make sure that I'm still treated the same in the days leading up to this birth.  Will I have to drive to a different doctor's office during that time, or just be monitored by NPs?  I'll have to talk to my OB about that at my next appointment.

I did go to see my primary care doctor with a few questions, and was very excited to find out that the crazy varicose veins in my right leg (the one with the majority of the foot/ankle swelling) can be fixed under insurance when the pregnancy is over because they are considered "medically necessary" rather than aesthetic.   Note to self: 3 pregnancies wreak havoc on legs.

I've been feeling a little like a basketcase in the last week or so.  D started Kindergarten, and is enjoying it but is having some issues with the bathroom there that we're trying to figure out (apparently he only likes ONE bathroom stall that has a white, rather than a black, seat.)  I also just bought a new/used car, and am trying to sell my old car.  It's actually the broker I bought my car from who is selling it for me, but until it's sold, it will continue to be a source of stress.  I've also been dealing with our mortgage company because we're trying to get rid of our PMI (if you've never done this before, It's a little complicated so I won't bother trying to explain) and they're basically telling us that the rules are different than what's stated in our mortgage.  I'm not thrilled about gearing up for that fight.

There's one other really big issue that has me totally stressed out but it's pretty much a whole post on its own, and something I'd love to ask advice on, so I'll save it for another day. 

I'm going to leave it there, and send out love and good vibes to those of you who are pregnant, waiting, or just doing the day-to-day thing, which can sometimes be harder than either of the above!

Vacation

We're headed off for vacation next week, and I'm kind of excited because I'm looking forward to (hopefully) a sunny beach week with T and the kiddos.  However, I'm a little nervous at the thought of all that time cooped up with the kids in a teeny cabin.  E is definitely two.  She is a screamer, a cryer, and a semi-tantrumer, though I completely ignore the tantrum thing so it doesn't happen much.  It's a tough age because if I'm not watching them, it's hard to tell if D did something to make her legitimately upset, or if she's just being a brat.  We'll see how that goes in close quarters for a week!

Tomorrow is my next OB appointment.  I feel kind of huge compared to D and E's pregnancies.  I know that my stomach muscles are all stretched out from the other two, but up until a couple of weeks ago I wasn't showing much.  It's weird.  My pee is also a little cloudy, which I read can be normal or can be a sign of gestational diabetes.  Isn't the internet wonderful?  I really hope I don't have GD, because mama likes her ice cream.  If I can't drink wine, at least I can have my little bowl of ice cream instead.  :/

As T kindly pointed out, I didn't really have "cankles" per se, just fat feet.  Haha.  However, they've been much better this past week, so I'm hoping it was just a phase.  They're still a little puffy on the tops of my feet and the sides, but nothing like they were before.

Gumdrop is kicking all the time, which is totally nice.  Sometimes I use the doppler even though I can feel him kicking, just to hear the heartbeat.  I'm falling more and more in love with him every day...

Cankles

I'm not going to lie.  The cankles are starting to make me nervous.  Not only are they uncomfortable, but they don't seem to just stick around when I try to do too much.  I'm sure I could be eating less salt and staying off my feet more, but I really don't feel like I'm overdoing it.

I know it's a jump, but it makes me worry about pre-eclam.psia.  My blood pressure cuff calms my nerves some, because it tells me that my BP is normal, but I'll feel better after the pee test next week.

24 weeks on Saturday.  This baby is becoming a real person!

Mid-summer nesting

Sorry I haven't updated in a while.  Everything is still going well.  I've been keeping busy with cleaning and organizing and generally doing stuff that I won't be able to do for at least a year after this kid is born.

I actually even switched out my maternity clothes with my regular clothes in my closet.  That was a big step for me, and I have to tell you that pretty much the whole time I was doing it, I had a looming sense of dread, and the feeling that I was taking a big risk by committing to a positive outcome. 

Any time I talk about how I've kept some baby girl clothes "just in case," T tends to give me the look or say something about "why I can't just be optimistic."   We had one such conversation the other night before watching Secret Millionaire (which I totally love, in case you care.)  In the conversation, I reminded him that our odds aren't that great - two live babies to three dead ones.  At the beginning of the show, the millionaire revealed that he had lost his third child to a still birth at a late gestation.  T said, "I get it," (in a kind, not sarcastic or annoyed way) knowing that I was about to give him the "I told you so" look. 

On the symptom front, I have cankles.  I mean, they're not as bad as some pregnant women (who I really feel bad for by the way) but for me, they're pretty bad.  I hope to God they're just from eating too much sodium and from the ridiculously hot humid weather the past few weeks.  It could also be from all the standing while I clean and while I was getting ready for the kids' birthday party which was last weekend.

They're 5 and 2 now.  E's birthday was yesterday, and D's birthday was on Wednesday.   I can hardly believe that they're that old already.  D starts KINDERGARTEN in September.  I have a kindergartener.  Holy crap.  Along those lines, I figured out the other day that I graduated from High School 17 years ago.  When I say "I'm 35" I don't feel as old as when I say, "I graduated from High School 17 years ago."

Halfway point

So, 20 weeks... 

and

It's a

BOY!

I'm excited about D having a brother to play with.  I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed about not being able to use all those adorable baby girl clothes again.  I also think about the close relationship that a lot of mothers and daughters have, and only hope that I can still have that same type of close relationship with my boys.

All that being said, I think E will do MUCH better as an only girl.  She's quite the prima donna, and I don't know if she'd adjust well to sharing the spotlight with another girl.  I also hear that those teenage years are a lot rougher with girls than boys.  (I should know that since I was no picnic as a teenager!!)  All in all, I think it's going to be a very good thing. 

I've been feeling lots of movement from gumdrop for the past two weeks, though it's still not constant.  My placenta is anterior (and still "low lying") so supposedly it's a little harder to feel movement as early as with a placenta that is posterior.

As hard for me as it is to believe, we're having a birthday party this weekend for D's 5th, and E's 2nd birthdays.  Their birthdays aren't until next week, but this weekend was the only one that worked for the party.  They just keep growing and growing...

Two reveals and final results

I told one friend this weekend and it was awesome.  She was so excited for us, and in spite of her own previous issues, she seems to have moved past her emotional pain and is able to be truly happy.

Second reveal was the one I was more worried about.  She has been doing fertility treatments for about 8 months unsuccessfully.  As I expected, there were tears, and I felt awful.  I kept telling her that I was so sorry for having to tell her now but I didn't want to see her at some point and be really showing and have her ask me.  I told her I knew it wasn't going to be all happy for her, and she reassured me that it should be a happy thing.  I don't think she's angry - just sad for herself.  It makes me so very sad to have to cause someone that kind of pain.  We really didn't have a chance to finish the conversation because there were other people around, and I haven't heard from her since the weekend.  Now I'm not sure if I should reach out to her via e-mail or just let her process.  I'm thinking process for now. 

There's another person I'm worried about telling because she has been trying to get pregnant since before Christmas.  We're going to her house for a party next weekend, and I'm not sure if I should tell her before or if I should wait until after.  I guess I should feel lucky that I'm not showing enough yet that I'm forced to be out.  Should I take the gamble that she won't figure it out during the party?   That would be even worse... 

We told D (and E, who has no idea what's going on) over the weekend too.  He sounded excited, and has asked a handful of questions, but I think it's still a very abstract concept until he starts to see my belly growing.

Quick update on how gumdrop is doing.  The final amnio results are back and everything is normal.  My placenta is anterior and has pulled up away from the cervix, so things are looking good.  At this week's appointment to check fluid post-amnio, baby's heart rate was 148, and my BP was 110/70.  I've felt movement here and there over the past few weeks, but I felt my first real kicks that made me smile at the wall yesterday. 

Results are in

Preliminary amnio results are in (meaning the most common issues) and everything looks good so far.  We'll find out the final results in about 10 days. 

Relief.  Sweet relief. 

The anatomy that they could see on the level 2 u/s also looks normal but we have to go back in 3 weeks because it's not developed enough yet to get the full picture.

I don't think I really talked about the actual amnio the last time I had one with E, but it was horrible.  Truly horrible.  (That's probably why I didn't talk about it.)  I remember the doctor said something like, "you may feel a little cramping."  A little?  It felt like what I would imagine being punched in the gut feels like.  The needle hit my uterus and my uterus immediately clenched up like a fist.  NO FUN. I was so shocked that I gasped/grunted, loudly.  (I have a pretty high pain tolerance, so that was kind of unusual for me.)

That being said, I was dreading this one.  I was worried it would be the same feeling, and I figured that at least I knew what to expect this time, but I still wasn't excited about it.  Happy to report that this time, it felt NOTHING like the last time.  There was a pinch, and a little tug as my uterus responded, and then a crampy feeling each time the doctor extracted fluid (3 vials) but it was SO much better than the last time, thank god. 

Heart rate was 143, and it was wiggling around like crazy.  Good times.

17 Weeks on Saturday.  Getting ready to tell some people.  Wish me luck...

Officially in the second trimester

Amazing.  I can't believe I'm here.  14 w 4 d and still going strong.

I had my regular O.B. appointment today to check my placenta.  Just like with E, the placenta is hanging out right over the cervix, so they're watching it to make sure it pulls up.

My B.P.   110/70 (awesome! - That's significant because I have a history of pregnancy hypertension, so they watch me just to make sure it stays in check.)

Baby (whose nickname may end up being "gumdrop") is measuring on target and moving around like crazy.  Those of you who have dopplers know that sound that sounds like a record scratching when the baby moves around while you're listening.  There's a lot of that going on in my house these days!  I'm still using the doppler only a couple of times a week, but just enough to keep me sane.

I had to repeat some bloodwork today because my last lab work came back with a trace of Rh antibody.  That is probably because I had a Rhogam shot already, but they're checking to make sure the level hasn't gone up.

I'm happy to report that my energy is slowly but surely returning, and my instances of morning sickness are few and far between.  YAY second trimester!

Next step is my amnio in a couple of weeks.  I think I'm more worried about scheduling a babysitter during it than actually having the amnio. 

Finally, with regard to telling certain people about the pregnancy, thanks for all of your support.  It hasn't been all rainbows and ponies.  I know there is anger, but hopefully they can find peace and realize that the pregnancy isn't to spite them or to prove anything.  It's simply to add another member to our family.

This is getting real

Holy shitballs.  I'll be 13 weeks on Saturday.

I had my nuchal scan this week.  This is when they start to look like an actual person.  Two arms, two legs, ribs, brain. Cool stuff.  The nuchal translucency was "within range" so one hurdle down.

Stats for the week:  (5/14/12)
HB: 153
Measuring: 12 w 1 day
My BP: 128/84  (not as low as I'd like, but I'll take it.)

I heard the words or acronym "AMA" (Advanced Maternal Age) no less than five times while I was there.  It's so funny to me that if I had been pregnant in February I would have been young, but now that I'm 35 I'm old.   Because I'm "AMA" I am offered an Amnio automatically (which we accepted) because the risk of a genetic disorder when you're AMA is higher than the risk of a miscarriage caused my amnio.  I just decided that I'd rather have the amnio up front than get the bloodwork, possibly have a high reading on something again, and then sweat bullets until the amnio.

I'm now at a point where we could start telling people, and honestly, it kind of sucks.  I haven't really gone into it too much on here because I try to keep my blog about me, and not about talking about other people.  However, there are a lot of people who are close to me (probably more than average) who are infertile, who have attempted various forms of family building through IVF, donors, etc, or who would have liked to have more children, but it hasn't worked out for various reasons.  Even though I'm ecstatic, I definitely feel the need to be a little reserved when I tell certain people because I don't want to tack additional pain onto their already difficult journeys.  Sooo...  the next few weeks are going to be interesting.

What's next

I've said before that I'm really much more relaxed about this pregnancy than my pregnancy with E.  I stopped my pro.gesterone on Saturday, when I was around 11 weeks, even though I would have felt better about continuing until 12 weeks.  (The R.E. said that I could stop then, plus, I hate that stuff.  UGH.  And I would like to stop feeling like my crotch is on fire from the constant yeast infection.  There's that too.)  So I stopped.

Yesterday, I had a small amount of brown discharge on my pantyliner, and just a hair of red.  I didn't freak out.  Instead, I thought, "oh good.  This might actually be some of the hematoma being flushed out now that it's not being held by the progeste.rone."  The timing was appropriate.  I called the R.E. and they concurred that it was not something to worry about.  They thought it might be vaginal lining that was flushed after the pro.gesterone left my system.  They said I don't need to start the pro.gesterone back up. 

My trusty doppler tells me that there's still a heartbeat, so I guess that makes it easier to not worry too much about the discharge.

I have my nu.chal scan next week, and I'm very nervous.  This pregnancy feels a little too easy somehow, and I'm worried that something could still go wrong.   It seems kind of crazy though, that after the nuch.al scan, I'll be moving into the second trimester...  Please send lots of positive thoughts and vibes for a healthy baby at my appointment!!

The tired

I had forgotten about the tired.  Or maybe the all-day-sickness was so all-consuming before that I maybe didn't have the chance to feel tired.  This time, I'm feeling nauseous every day for parts of the day, but I'm unfortunately NOT losing weight as I have with both of my other term pregnancies.  I am, however, feeling tired ALL THE TIME.  (Maybe the fact that I can hardly move because of the exhaustion is contributing to my weight gain.  Haha.)  I've only gained between two and three pounds, but with each other pregnancy I've lost about 5 in the first trimester because of the nausea.  I did start out lower this time though, so I guess that's good. 

But seriously? Ohhhhhhh the tired.  I've been taking naps.  NAPS people.  I don't take naps.  I can't fall asleep in the middle of day.  Except that now, I can.  Naps.  Thankfully E takes a 2 hour nap in the afternoon, and D is more than happy to watch a movie so I can take a nap.  Can't wait for that energy burst...

I'm still taking progeste.rone, so maybe that accounts for some of the tiredness.  I'm planning to stop taking that on Saturday when I'll be 11 weeks.  The R.E. who I saw told me to take it for three more weeks, which was until yesterday, but I'm going to keep going until the weekend just because it will make me feel better.  

I broke out the Doppler last week when I was 9 weeks 5 days (my latest miscarriage) and it took me a long time to find the heartbeat, but it was there.  I checked again this week, I think on Monday when I was 10w 2d.  Took a long time again, but I found it.  I freaking love that thing.  Best money spent, ever.  Hands down.

Now a bit of randomness.  Have any of you ever had one breast that was sore, but not the other?  Before I was even pregnant, I noticed that my left side was more tender/ sensitive than the right.  I've done several self exams and haven't felt anything unusual, but I'm thinking I'm going to run it by my OB.  It kind of freaks me out.

I have the nu.chal scan coming up in a couple weeks, and truthfully I'm pretty nervous about it.  On my second set of bloodwork with E, one of my results came back high and I ended up getting a Level II u/s and an amnio.  The fact that I'm older now, and officially "advanced maternal age" doesn't help those nerves.

I'm definitely more relaxed about this pregnancy than my pregnancy with E.  I don't obsess about every twinge I feel and I don't think about miscarriage all the time.  I guess that's an improvement, and once I'm not so tired maybe I'll have a little time to enjoy it. 

Same Feeling Every. Single. Time.

It seriously doesn't matter how many ultrasounds I have. I have the same feeling of impending doom every time. And thankfully, this time, once again, that feeling was unfounded.

I just found out a couple of days ago that the best man from our wedding, and my husband's best friend, just got engaged. So exciting, and he's asked T to be in the wedding. Only problem is that the wedding is in October. In Florida. A month before I'm due. :( I'm really bummed at the thought of missing it. It's also the weekend of T's birthday. Double bummer. So the only consolation I had at the thought of losing the baby was that at least I would be able to go to the wedding. Yes, an admittedly f*&%ed up thought, but if we're being honest...

Now to cut to the chase. My knockers are huge. (For me anyway.) I think they've grown about a cup size within the last two weeks. My morning sickness is still mild which is kind of amusing to me since it was awful with both D and E, so I can't use the old, "well, it must be a {insert gender} because I never had it with..." But seriously people, thank God. I was not looking forward to that part. I still feel yucky and slightly queasy almost every day, but NOTHING like D and E's pregnancies.

Update from the appointment today:

BP (post u/s): 110/70
Baby's measuring: 8 w 5 d
Baby's HB: 170 (!)
Hematoma: Still present, but not worrying the doctor all that much

I'm not going back again for almost four weeks, (until my 12 w nuchal screening) which would normally freak me out, except for the fact that I can pull out my little friend dopp.ler in about a week. If I can't get a hb for a few days, I'm going to call and ask to be seen.

Growing

I had an u/s with an R.E. yesterday (to whom I was sent by my regular O.B. as a precaution.) I've been kind of dreading the appointment, partly because T couldn't go with me because of bringing D to preschool and not wanting to bring kids to a fer.tility clinic, and partly because I honestly wasn't optimistic about still having a live baby in there this week. I've continued to have mild morning sickness, I've been tired a lot and my bo.obs are now bigger, but these symptoms are very mild compared to both of my other successful pregnancies. I know every pregnancy can be different, but it's really got me kind of paranoid. That coupled with the hemat.oma made me very pessimistic about the outcome of the u/s. Also, I'm performing in a musical this weekend (opening night is tomorrow) and I was SO paranoid that I was going to have to schedule a D&E today, on the day of the dress rehearsal, or worse yet, wait the whole weekend knowing it was dead.

To my surprise and joy, the baby is still in there, heart beating away, and growing like a champ. I didn't ask what the heartbeat was, but they said it sounded great. In addition, 8 days after the baby measured 6w 4d at my O.B.'s office, it measured about 8 weeks at the R.E.'s office. That puts me closer to my LMP. They looked at the hemat.oma (1 inch) and the R.E. said that he still thinks I have about an 85% chance of carrying to term. He told me to continue my progeste.rone for 3 more weeks, and he "released" me back to my regular O.B.

For the first time in this pregnancy, I'm allowing myself to feel a little optimistic...

One down

Only about 30 appointments to go...

There is a live baby in there. With a heartbeat. :)

Heartbeat: 126
Measuring: 6 weeks 4 Days
BP: 128/86 (not bad for before the u/s)

According to my LMP I should be 7 w 2 d, but because I'm sure I ovulated late, I think I'm only about 2 days behind where I would have expected to be (6 weeks 6 days).

The only bad news so far is that I do have a hematoma at the top of my uterus next to the gestational sac. I don't know how big. I didn't even ask. These things can resolve themselves, but I had one with one of my miscarriages so they make me very nervous. The doctor was cautiously optimistic, but he knows I've been around the block, so he didn't try to b.s. me. He just basically said that it can resolve on its own, and we'll hope for the best.

I got a Rh.ogam shot because of the hematoma, and the doctor told me to call the RE who prescribed my progeste.rone to see if he wants to do any tests. I'm hoping no, unless there's something else he wants to prescribe for me to make this baby stick.

Symptoms so far have been mild, but I've had a couple of bouts of monster heartburn in the past week, and most days for about the past week I've woken up with mild nausea until I eat.

Next appointment in a week.

Not much to report

I'm posting an update for my benefit as much as yours.

I guess I'm still pregnant until proven otherwise. That being said, I have no real symptoms to speak of. There was a time or two when I felt a twinge of heartburn (and I normally NEVER have heartburn) and one or two times before I ate when I thought I might be a little nauseous. Oh, and my left nipple has been sore, but only occasionally. Random. Other than that, nada. I guess the only thing that is a true "symptom" would be my period being two weeks late. Oh, there's that...

I do, of course, have a yea.st infec.tion from all the progesterone, which will stay with me for the next month and a half until I stop the prog.esterone. Always a lovely time.

Using my best guess (since I wasn't keeping track) I should be around 6 weeks today. My first u/s is next week, and I'm actually not nervous yet. I can't decide if that's because I already think the pregnancy is doomed, or if I'm just more relaxed now that I have my two kiddos. Planning to keep myself busy as much as possible. One thing that kind of sucks is that the musical that I'm in is opening on 4/13, so if I end up having to have a D&E or D&C next week (which I would definitely elect to do again) it would mean scheduling difficulties and a SUPER busy week following the procedure. On the other hand, it will keep me very busy and give me less time to dwell in my own pool of sadness.

In spite of the above negativity, I really am feeling pretty relaxed so far. I keep thinking that it's very early, and the symptoms could kick in at any moment (and if they do, I'll wish I hadn't wished for them!)

Proof that things don't always go as planned

Remember how I mentioned that we were considering #3, and that we were not trying right now because of Thanksgiving and Christmas?

Well, I'm pregnant. For the 6th time.

And here's the story.

We've been "trying" since the end of October and I was getting kind of frustrated with roadblocks each month. October, we decided late to start trying so my OPK was already positive the first day I tested. No idea if I had already O'd or not. We tried anyway, but I didn't have a lot of hope. Nov, we started trying, but stopped trying when I hadn't O'd by day 16 or so. December, we started trying early, but were so exhausted with the holidays that we missed some crucial days. January, I thought we actually had a good chance, but got a negative test. So all in all, there was a lot of se.x being had those four months.

Now, welcome to present day. We decided to skip last month because my LMP would bring me to a due date of November 19th, which was kind of close to Thanksgiving. So I didn't do OPKs and I didn't take Pro.gesterone, and I really didn't pay attention to anything. We had a little magic moment (haha) late-ish in the month. After the fact, T said something like, so I guess we're trying this month after all, and I said, no, I would be really shocked if I were pregnant because it was long after my fertile time.

So my period was due on Monday, and I usually spot before it. This month, nothing. I decided to take a test on Monday, and I blew off the faint line that I thought I saw as "my eyes playing tricks on me." Tuesday, I had a little twinge of tenderness in my nipples and I started analyzing my boobs for signs of growth. Wednesday, I tested again. Still a faint line, but definitely there.

I started prog.estrone last night, and I called my doctor and said that we should probably combine my annual (scheduled for the 21st) with a first u/s at a later date.

I'm feeling oddly calm about the whole thing. I don't have any symptoms, but I don't remember when those usually start. I guess I may need a little more HCG in system before the hardcore symptoms begin.

I'll keep you all updated. I'm nervous, but I don't have any control right now, so I have to leave it in the hands of fate.

What's up with me?

I know this is mostly a miscarriage space, but I just wanted to give an update on what's going on with me to anyone who's still reading, because I get sad when people just disappear! :)

So I'm turning 35 in 10 days. Advanced maternal age. I don't really mind turning 35, but I think I'd like to stop here. After 35 everything starts to feel a little too "middle aged" to me. I'm still YOUNG, people. What's up with that??

Speaking of advanced maternal age, the idea of a third little peanut is still on the table, but not right at the moment. We don't really want a Thanksgiving or Christmas baby. The more I think about it, the more I want another one. (We both do now...) And the more I think about that, the more excited I get about the idea of getting rid of all the baby stuff one by one after we use it one last time!!

That leads me to the topic of clutter. I've been fixated on the idea of simplifying my life, getting rid of excess "stuff" that we have and trying to live a little "cleaner." I'm pretty thrifty (which I may have mentioned once... or maybe a hundred times.) Over the past few months I've streamlined my grocery shopping to one trip per week, and a total of $200 in giftcards per month to my primary grocery store. This does not include B.J's trips or special trips to stores to grab a couple of great sales items. It's going awesome so far. The de-cluttering is going slowly, but I'm getting more motivated all the time - especially by some of the couponing and simplifying blogs that I follow.

The other thing that I've done for myself recently was getting into community theater. I've always loved to sing, and I finally bit the bullet last fall and joined a local group. We performed The S.ound of Mu.sic in the fall, and we're performing Ti.tanic - the Musical this spring. I'm having so much fun, and it's making my life so much more fulfilling. It also helps me to stay sane as a stay at home mom. I have a total of 7.5 hours of rehearsal time each week, which I really enjoy, and it makes me a better and more patient mom.

The kids are doing great. D is starting kindergarten in the fall (!) and E is so incredibly cute and sassy. SO sassy. Her favorite word is no, I think, and for now it's cute.

After a winter free of almost ALL snow (practically unheard of for Massa.chusetts) we're in the middle of a storm right now. The natives are restless, and I have to go throw some food in their troughs. :)