The doctor's office called and confirmed that I'm not pregnant, which I already assumed. That's not the fvcked up part.
When I got the call, there was the slightest bit of RELIEF because I thought to myself that it meant that at least for four more weeks or so, I don't have to worry about having a miscarriage.
What a jaded world... is this infertility world that we live in...
On The Off Chance…
4 years ago
5 comments:
::big hugs:: that is exactly why when people would say to me "you'll get pregnant again" I would get angry. pregnant doesn't fix it, it just puts you in the immediate fear of having another m/c. i am trying to stay positive about this one, but i totally understand your relief. i felt that way last cycle and could calmly enjoy myself for a few weeks. GL to you next time and i'm sorry you are having such a range of emotions...
Holy Moley. That's exactly what I thought to myself last month. "well, at least i won't have to deal with a miscarriage."
the funny thing about it - when i had my miscarriage, i thought to myself that i wish i had never been pregnant that month. getting a negative test was better than a miscarriage any day.
i also wish it because i want that back - the innocence of what other women have when they get pregnant. that pure sense of joy (even though there's always some worry).
Wow. Very profound and so true. :(
I'm seeing an infertility counselor right now and that's what we're trying to work through. In my image in my mind I get pregnant, see the heartbeat, and then that's it, I have a miscarriage. I can't even allow myself to imagine having successful pregnancy.
Fertiles have it so easy.....sigh....
So true. So painfully, glaringly true.
I'm do sorry that it has to feel like this... *hugs*
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