I still have lingering guilt from my last miscarriage. What if I made a mistake?
When I went in for my first ultrasound with my second miscarriage, I should have been eight weeks two days, but according to the ultrasound I was measuring only six weeks and there was no heartbeat.
I didn't ask questions. I was sort of in shock. The ultrasound tech told us that there was no heartbeat and took lots of pictures, but no doctor looked at the live ultrasound to confirm that the embryo had died.
What if the embryo was really only six weeks along? What if the heartbeat wasn't visible yet? Why didn't I get a second opinion? Why didn't I ask how they knew for sure?
See, when I got pregnant with my son D and went in for my first ultrasound, he measured two full weeks smaller than I expected him to be based on my last period. He continued on that path and was born two weeks later than he should have been based on my LMP.
Thinking back to my last miscarriage, my sane side tells me that they wouldn't make a mistake like that. Even if I wasn't aware of them, there were checks and double-checks. Technicians are trained to look at all the options, and to count on "patient error" in keeping track of the LMP or of knowing how far along they should be.
Somehow I just can't get past the guilt, though. I went onto preg.nology.com today to check how far along I should be when I have the ultrasound next week. I don't know what made me check, but I got to thinking about how far along I would be if the last baby had made it.
38 days left.
I should be huge and uncomfortable in my third trimester. It's crazy. Never in a million years did I think I would be here. I thought for sure that I would be very pregnant by now. After all, "you know you're not infertile, right?" (as I was told by the billing person at the doctor's office) Life just never really goes the way you think it will.
Mengatasi Aborsi Aman
1 year ago