Sunday, February 7, 2010

I missed it

I looked at the date today and realized that yesterday I missed my third due date. It slipped my mind. I mean, I knew it was coming. Even last week, I knew that it was coming up, but I just... I don't know. I just didn't have that same feeling this time.

Maybe this one was easier because I knew that it was not genetically normal (as I talked about in this post) and wouldn't have survived no matter what. Maybe it helps that I'm pregnant this time. Maybe it was easier because it was the third, and it's almost routine by now. (That sounds horrible, but you know what I mean.) I'm still feeling a little guilty. I mean, it's not like I haven't had a few other things on my mind... but... I feel guilty that I didn't acknowledge this day as I did for our other two losses.

I'm sorry, little person. I wish you had made it, but you weren't meant to be.


Karen said...

Don't feel too guilty. It's clear that you loved that baby. No one who reads your blog could doubt that.

For me, the pain of loss has lessened over the years. I still wish my baby had been born, but I don't feel the loss as sharply. We bought her/him a Christmas tree ornament and hang it each year with the other kid's ornaments. But day to day, I don't often think about it. Right or wrong, that's just the way it is for me.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry =(

Stacie said...

Like Karen said, don't feel guilty for missing the day. Being pregnant tends..and life in general is enough to occupy your mind from day to day. The mere fact that you still think about all of your losses goes to show that you care.

I missed my first due date. I was 6 months pregnant when it rolled around. I still think about that baby all the time, and it still makes me sad even though I ended up with a beautiful healthy baby girl soon after.

Please, please don't feel too bad about this. You're an amazing woman and mother!

Shawn said...

Don't beat yourself up. It doesn't mean that you loved your little one any less. I actually don't know my third due date. By that time, I kind of detached myself because I didn't want to get my hopes up, so I didn't think about it. I just tried to get through each day. But I think the universe knows how much love you have for the one you lost. And you don't need a special date to acknowledge it.

Em said...

I didn't know we were due a day apart. Interesting. I'm glad the day wasn't a struggle for you.

For me, the due date was hard. It was the furthest along I had been, and we felt that another little person had joined our family. To me, that miscarriage was the death of our child.

My due date in September was harder than yesterday. Yes, that was when I was due with my blighted ovum so it shouldn't have been so difficult, but I had lost Lilly just a few weeks before and I was still recovering from my second surgery. Not only that, but on that day I had to help my mom put on a triple baby shower for my sister and two sisters in law. I think that made it worse.

Yesterday was hard, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I think that is because I wasn't alone all day, and it also helps that I am pregnant again. I did listen to the baby several times yesterday...

Wow! Long comment! :) Anyway, I am glad your pain is lessening.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss, but I hope this pregnancy can help ease some of the pain, even if it is never entirely gone.