Bleh

I'm having a "bleh" day. It's probably hard for you to believe, but I'm usually a pretty cheery person in real life. You get to see all my "bleh" thoughts that I don't always talk about to my friends. I guess you won't be surprised by this...

But oh. my. God. I am having SUCH a bleh day. I brought D to an indoor playspace and he had a blast, but I just felt like I was not being a good conversationalist (my friend was also there with her kids) and I really just want to be anti-social and sit in a corner until the sun comes out.

Have I mentioned that it's been raining for like... oh, I don't know... six days straight, or something??

BLEH.

Random nothingness

My son has a cold (go figure... it's June) and I of course, because I have no immune system, got it too. I don't feel terrible but it's definitely a reminder that preggos can't escape germs.

I'm still tired, but not much else to report in terms of symptoms. My boobs are tender, but not "sore." I have to just kind of assume that everything is going as it should until I find out differently. When I was at Tar.get today, I peeked at the baby clothes. I couldn't help myself.

I'm still on my "clean-out" kick and just unloaded a big box of candles from the basement on Freecycle.org today. Little did I know how many people would want a box of candles. Holy smokes. I got about 30 replies, I would say. Crazy.

My body seems to be craving fruit these days. Unfortunately, I have a bunch of leftover brownies. Brownies and fruit go well together, right? ;)

Status Quo

Status quo. That's what I told my friend when she asked a couple of weeks ago how the "getting pregnant" stuff was going. Okay, it was a lie, but I just didn't feel like getting into it with her. (She knows about the miscarriages, but not that I'm pregnant again.) Somehow, if she had asked about how I was doing with dealing with the miscarriages, it would have felt different than her asking how I was doing with the "pregnancy" thing. One way it's concern, the other way it kinda feels like satisfying her curiosity.

On the pregnancy front, no additional spotting after yesterday, so that's comforting. I've had a left-side-of-the-forehead headache for a couple of days, which I'm now willing to call a symptom. I've also been tired for the past few days. I told T this morning that now that I know I'm actually still pregnant, I'm willing to believe that the lethargy is an actual pregnancy symptom, and not just my body being lazy. :)

Time to make carrot cake with cream cheese frosting to celebrate the fathers in my life tomorrow (notably my dad, T, and my brother.)

With Father's Day tomorrow, my thoughts go out to all of the ladies (and their hubbies) out there still waiting for their babes.

Finally, some good news

I'm shocked. I was really, truly, about 85% prepared to schedule a D&E for next week. However... I had my ultrasound this morning, and the little bugger is growing! I'm still not out of the woods by any means, but I'm feeling a little more at peace.

The ultrasound was TORTURE. My eyes filled with tears before she began, because I was so sure I was about to get bad news. She stuck the probe in and started taking measurements of what looked to me like black holes, and I said, "that's it and there's nothing there, right?" She said she was just taking measurements of my ovaries. So maybe about three full minutes into the ultrasound, she finally said, "there's a baby, and there's a heartbeat."

I'm measuring 6w 6d (which isn't surprising based on the way my son's pregnancy went) and the baby grew an appropriate amount since the last appointment. Heartbeat is 150. The hematoma is shrinking. (It went from 2.5 cm last time to 10 mm this time.)

One thing that I'm very nervous about is that there was a lot of blood on the ultrasound probe when the tech took it out. I told the doctor and she said to take it easy, but that "the blood needs to come out somehow" (from the shrinking hematoma) so she doesn't see any reason for concern unless there is any new bleeding. She also said that sometimes the cervix can bleed from the stimulation because there's so much blood flow to the area.

The doc had me get an early Rhogam shot because of the bleeding, but her take-home message was that "there is reason to be optimistic."

Next ultrasound in a couple of weeks.

Making progress

My weekend was a nice mix of hanging out with some girlfriends, matching up my coupons with the deals (<---dork), and spending time with the two men in my life. :)

I'm still terrified about what could happen at the ultrasound, but over the course of the weekend I allowed myself - a couple of times - to have hope. My realistic side says that I should be having some symptoms if I were really pregnant, but I have to say that a few times this weekend, the optimistic side kicked the realistic side's ass and told it to suck it up.

I keep reminding myself that I'm doing everything I can to assure that this baby will grow. I'm taking progesterone, baby aspirin, prenatals, and calcium every day. I couldn't possibly want it more. My body is healthy and prepared to nurture a baby. Not everyone who is pregnant has pregnancy symptoms. I didn't have that many when I was pregnant with D (although I did have all-day-sickness. I just can't remember how early in the pregnancy it started.)

I'll say the mantra again.

As far as I know, I am pregnant today. There's nothing I can do about yesterday or tomorrow, so I need to focus on being positive - because right now, at this time, on this day, I am pregnant.

Guilt

I still have lingering guilt from my last miscarriage. What if I made a mistake?

When I went in for my first ultrasound with my second miscarriage, I should have been eight weeks two days, but according to the ultrasound I was measuring only six weeks and there was no heartbeat.

I didn't ask questions. I was sort of in shock. The ultrasound tech told us that there was no heartbeat and took lots of pictures, but no doctor looked at the live ultrasound to confirm that the embryo had died.

What if the embryo was really only six weeks along? What if the heartbeat wasn't visible yet? Why didn't I get a second opinion? Why didn't I ask how they knew for sure?

See, when I got pregnant with my son D and went in for my first ultrasound, he measured two full weeks smaller than I expected him to be based on my last period. He continued on that path and was born two weeks later than he should have been based on my LMP.

Thinking back to my last miscarriage, my sane side tells me that they wouldn't make a mistake like that. Even if I wasn't aware of them, there were checks and double-checks. Technicians are trained to look at all the options, and to count on "patient error" in keeping track of the LMP or of knowing how far along they should be.

Somehow I just can't get past the guilt, though. I went onto preg.nology.com today to check how far along I should be when I have the ultrasound next week. I don't know what made me check, but I got to thinking about how far along I would be if the last baby had made it.

38 days left.

I should be huge and uncomfortable in my third trimester. It's crazy. Never in a million years did I think I would be here. I thought for sure that I would be very pregnant by now. After all, "you know you're not infertile, right?" (as I was told by the billing person at the doctor's office) Life just never really goes the way you think it will.

Time out for baked onion rings

Because I have nothing of true substance to write (sore-ish boobs, no spotting, no discomfort/cramps except right after I do the suppositories) I thought I'd share an awesome recipe that I made last night.

One of my favorite websites is allrecipes.com I've been craving onion rings for the past few days so I decided to search for a recipe for baked onion rings. Honestly, I'd rather not waste the calories on fried, but in reality, it's more about wasting all of that oil to deep fry them! Sooooo, if you're a fan of onion rings like I am, try out this recipe! They're baked, but they actually come out CRISPY! (They're fat free too, unless you count the non-stick cooking spray.)

Baked Onion Rings

If you try it, make sure you read the reviews and follow the advice they give. Make sure the egg whites are beaten until they form soft peaks, and be sure to split the breading into multiple bags because it doesn't stick after it gets soggy. (Next time I make them I'm going to try putting the breading in a bowl - just a veeeery small amount at a time - to try to avoid using so many plastic bags.)

Tree hugger, signing off.

Father's Day

There's not much going on right now, as you can tell by my overwhelming excitement about coupons and sales...

One thing has obviously been weighing on my mind though. I've been thinking about my ultrasound next week. That will be the day that we'll find out if there's a heartbeat or not. I feel relatively calm about it right now, but I know I'll be a wreck that day.

It just occurred to me that the following Sunday is Father's Day. If everything goes fine at the ultrasound, Father's Day will be lovely, but if not... Are we really going to want to go hang out with everyone? Only my parents and a couple of our friends know about the pregnancy. We're going to have to go there and pretend that everything is okay. Again.

Please forgive me for not being more upbeat. It's easy to say "well, at least you're pregnant" or "try to enjoy it while you can." The truth is, I'm not optimistic. We're doing everything we can, but I just don't know if it's enough. I really have no symptoms, even on the progesterone. (I guess I count myself as lucky because the dose I'm on is enough for a large cow, and it still isn't affecting me in the way I've heard that it affects other people.) One of the worst things is that even if my body wanted to have a natural miscarriage, it probably wouldn't because of all the progesterone.

Assuming the worst, I've already tried to figure out when I would be able to have the D & E if I need one. I know it's sick, but it's just easier to expect the worst and then be pleasantly surprised.

Debbie Dow.ner, signing off.

More Coupons

I just got back from Shaw's after going over to get my $10 off of $25 deal.

It didn't work out exactly as I had said in my last post. I found some last minute coupons and substituted for ones that I had planned to use. Also, the cashier actually credited me for double coupons even for the ones that said "do not double" so after taking into account the "save $10 on your next order coupon" that I got, I ended up spending only $4.85 to get $25 worth of groceries.

I am WAY more excited about this than I should be... :)

Here's my favorite savings website of the day: http://www.moneysavingmom.com/ A couple of days ago she gave a link to a coupon for $0.50 off of a fresh Delmonte Pineapple. If your store doubles coupons and there's a sale on Pineapple, this could turn into a really good deal!!

Great deals at Shaw's this week!

Update on the pregnancy: I looked back at my ultrasound results for one of my ultrasounds with D. It turns out that I had a simple ovarian cyst, a complex ovarian cyst, and a hemorrhagic physiologic cyst when I was pregnant with him. I'm going to talk to my doctor about that if/when I get to see him again if the pregnancy lasts. My boobs seem less sore at times, and I'm not extremely hopeful about my 7 week ultrasound, but I'm also not completely hopeless. Still no bleeding or spotting, and I'm starting to believe that it's the progesterone that's giving me the cramping/bloating that I've been experiencing.

Now on to more fun and exciting things!!

Shaw's Supermarket has a great deal this week that can be paired with some coupons that are available online. (Shaw's is only in the Northeast United States, so I apologize for those of you who don't have a Shaw's nearby! Check out the coupon websites below anyway.)

Shaw's is running a "Buy $25 Save $10 On your next purchase" sale. You can check their online circular for the specific list of things that the sale applies to. Also, just for today and tomorrow, you can get Salmon Fillets for $4.88/ lb., Hood Ice Cream for $1.88, and Thomas' English Muffins for $0.88/pack.

Go to SmartSource.com, Coupons.com, or Eversave.com for printable manufacturer's coupons. Some of them are the same on all three sites, but I've had luck printing from each site. There is usually a limit on how many of each coupon you can print.

For pairings for this specific sale, there are coupons on the above websites for Fiber One bars, Chex Mix bars, Betty Crocker Frosting, and General Mills cereals (including Total, Golden Grahams, Cheerios, Cocoa Puffs, and Trix).

I happened to have several manufacturer's coupons that I had previously cut out that I will be using for the sale too. All in all, I will be buying 13 items. I have 8 coupons which will give me an additional savings of $6.20. Out of pocket, I'll spend $19.55 (I went over the $25 by a hair) and I'll get a $10 coupon to use on my next order. That's $25 worth of stuff for $9.55.

Money saving mommy and symptoms

I was wearing my most form fitting jeans today. I kept feeling sort of uncomfortable bloating-ish feelings (not ready to call them cramps). I took off my jeans and am in my PJs, and I'm feeling a little better but not "better." I'm half convinced that the crampy feeling is psychosomatic, and half convinced that it's just early pregnancy bloating/gassy feeling. (Anyone remember that?) I still can't completely blow it off and assume it's nothing.

I consulted Dr. Google on hematomas and pregnancy today. All in all, it doesn't sound like doom. It sounds like many people have them and go through pregnancy without a hitch. However, some do end in miscarriage. Guess that's certainly not a news flash.

That's really not my reason for this post though. I'm writing to tell you that I'm pumped because my awesome hubby (who apparently has way too much time on his hands at work) sent me some links to a few new coupon/deal blogs and I've been checking them out on a daily basis to get ideas. As before, I know most of what they're talking about, but I love the inspiration I'm getting from their savings!

This week at CVS Glade air freshener is on sale for $0.99 each. I had a BOGO coupon, so I got two for $0.99. I also got a bottle of tobasco sauce for $0.19 this week at the grocery store because I had a $1 off coupon. When it comes to Glade, I RARELY buy it, but now I'll be set for the next few years, and I only had to spend a few cents per can rather than "running out" and having to buy it at full price. Pretty much the same goes for tobasco sauce, since we don't go through it very fast, but how could I not??

UPDATE: I checked out the side effects of Progesterone, and the gel and suppositories can cause gas, bloating, and even cramping. That makes me feel a little better, although it still doesn't completely calm my fears.

100th post and fuzzy blob on the U/S

I started writing this post in my mind multiple times over the last few days. I was thinking about writing about a friend who is a little pushy, and then I thought about writing about my awesome deals at CVS this week, or about my new raised vegetable and herb gardens of which I'm so proud, but none of those seemed to be big enough. See, this is my 100th post. It feels like I just started this blog, but really it's been almost 9 months.

I decided that I should save the 100th post for something momentous, like the first ultrasound of the baby that I'm hoping is going to be "the one." So I did.

The ultrasound was this morning. My blood pressure was 140/86. Awesome. (For those who aren't keeping track of their blood pressure, this is NOT awesome, but it was also BEFORE the ultrasound and I was very nervous.)

The ultrasound was pretty much as I expected it to be. There was a fuzzy blob. The tech kept measuring things which made me wonder if she was finding cysts. The tech won't tell you much, but it seemed that everything looked relatively normal.

When I met with Dr. N., he said that the sac looks normal and the yolk is a good size. That's good news. However, I have a small hematoma (blood clot) adjacent to the sac which he is concerned about. He asked if I have had any spotting or cramping. No and no. (I have had some sort of bloated feelings, but not cramping.) I will continue with the once daily baby aspirin, and to try to keep the hematoma from growing larger, he is changing my proges.terone. I will be going from the Crin.one 8% gel to a twice daily suppository. Yes, folks. I'm going from 90mg per day to 400mg per day (the maximum dosage they use.) Unleash the demons of Satan!! Of course, as soon as I told him I haven't been crampy, I started feeling crampy. I told Dr. N. that, and he said that can be normal because of the vag. ultrasound.

I asked Dr. N if I should double up on my prenatal vitamin to get more folic acid (as nurse nice-but-useless told me to. Twice.) and he said no. Oy. I asked if I would be considered high rick because of the hematoma and he said that after I make it past the first trimester I will not be considered high risk. I'll have a follow-up ultrasound in two weeks, when hopefully (if all goes well) we'll be able to see a heartbeat.

So I'm sitting here a couple of hours later, still a bit crampy, and hoping that we're able to hold onto this pregnancy for longer than the last two.